Why do otherwise sane Los Angelinos go crazy when it rains?
I have formulated a few explanations for this strange phenomenon. So don’t worry, the mysteries are about to be unveiled. (Mwahahahaaa!)
#1- The BREAK for a puddle person: We’ve all been driving behind the guy or gal who slows to a crawl whenever approaching a puddle. This occurs frequently, particularly on streets such as Beverly, where there are more potholes than stores selling Spongebob piñatas. It’s pretty clear that all of these overly cautious drivers have just moved here from Arizona and have never witnessed rain before. Therefore, they are terrified of getting their brand new Lexus wet. For all they know, it could melt the paint job.
#2- The dress like you’re in the arctic girls: Those girls (you know the ones) that, at the first raindrop, bundle up as if they are in the middle of an Alaskan snowstorm and could freeze to death walking down Robertson. You’ve seen them. It’s 75 degrees outside with maybe a slight sprinkle and they’re wearing Uggs, a scarf, a fur-lined hoodie and fuzzy earmuffs. Obviously, these girls are all suffering from buyer’s remorse. They clearly bought all these items last winter at The Grove (the half-yearly sale at Nordstrom’s, definitely) and now they feel obligated to throw them all on at once to get at least one wear out of them before it gets hot again and before they go out of style. Yep, a down jacket is always a good purchase for those harsh Southern California winters.
#3- Then, there are our beloved Los Angeles Weather People. Rain is breaking news. There’s always some type of expose on rain dangers or a blow-by-blow description of what to do if your car hydroplanes, because that happens all the time out here and it’s a huge threat. Seriously, can you even drive fast enough out here to hydroplane? The reason they feel compelled to incite terror in their viewers just because of some falling water is because they are jealous of their fellow news people from other parts of the country, who actually get to report on real weather instead of how it was so hot on the red carpet that Katherine Heigl had boob sweat. But rain…this is hard-hitting news, people. A time for our Weather Peeps to shine, so to speak.
Hopefully, you feel better knowing that there are real excuses for the crazy behavior of So Cal residents when it rains. I know I’ll sleep better tonight.
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1 response so far ↓
1 Louis // Dec 18, 2007 at 10:21 am
The truth of it is this:
The average Angeleno has the mental capacity of a sock puppet: Much like insects, they have a series of ganglia rather than an actual, full-fledged brain (which explains their behavioral response to bright shiny things like TVs and Lexuses).
Subsequently, they have the memory-span of a guppy, which is about 3.5 seconds. And since the rain is such an infrequent phenomenon here, with each new storm system their entire world-view is shattered. For all they know it’s the end of the world.
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