As 2008 approaches (2008!? WTF!?) many of us are deliberating, deciding, even wrestling with potential resolutions. What will they be? Can we possibly live up to them this year? Let me save you some time. You can’t and you won’t…at least not forever and probably not even for a whole month. This unfortunate truth, however, is not meant to deter you from trying. Try. You should make a reasonable list of personal goals meant to better yourself and then do them until you break down. Its all about striving…trying to get better every day in every way…fitter, happier, more productive.

You know ya shoot for the stars and you hit the ceiling. But the ceiling is at least a couple feet higher than your normal five foot something mess of a life. So in light of this New Year I’d be honored if you’d allow me to offer some suggestions to my fellow peers here in Hollywood/West Hollywood/Mid City/Silverlake/Echo Park/Los Feliz/Beverly Hills/Mainly Hollywood. Seriously you can make this place a little more livable by adhering to a few simple suggestions/requests…so lets resolve to…

1. Stop pretending to know everyone.
2. Find a real friend.
3. Eat. (to all my emaciated women friends)
4. Do less drugs.
5. Smile just enough so people don’t confuse you for a vacuous automaton.
6. Be less insane.
7. Stop with the preemptive honking. I see that its green…jackass.
8. Read something other than US Weekly…OK doesn’t count…neither does People.
9. Stop watching TMZ.
10. Help save the world by not watching MTV.
11. Go to at least one museum…anything having to do with Lingerie, Oddities, or World Records doesn’t count.
12. Follow, support, and love Chris Kaman.
13. Stop fellating Kobe.
14. If you’re a DJ…just stop with the flashlight and the knob twisting and generally acting like some kind of mad scientist for no discernible reason…you’re not fooling anyone…except for all those girls who keep telling me “Oh my god (insert stupid DJ moniker here) is DJing tonight you have to come!”

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Related Post

• No Related Post