We’ve got ourselves a relatively moderate theatrical release weekend, with the exception of a spectacular horror flick, specially prepared with love by director/producer Guillermo Del Toro. Audience’s can expect to laugh and shed a few tears; they’ll also have the opportunity to drag the kids to a show. Last but not least, dads should be able to get their action fix this weekend with yet another, medieval, battle royal, extravaganza. So lets take a peek at these weeks’ releases, shall we?
I’ll start with the big box office draws-
First Sunday – Staring Ice Cube , Tracy Morgan, & Katt Williams
Durell (Ice Cube) and LeeJohn (Tracy Morgan) are best friends and bumbling petty criminals. When told they have one week to pay a $17,000 debt or Durell will lose his son, they come up with a desperate scheme to rob their neighborhood church. Instead, they end up spending the night in the presence of the Lord and are forced to deal with much more than they bargained for.
I’m suggesting that you avoid this one like the plague. Although Morgan and Katt Williams are hilarious, this does not seem like a vehicle fit for funny. You don’t really have to see the film to get the jokes, just check out 30 Rock on NBC, or the Katt Williams stand-up special on HBO, if you want to get the true funny from these talented comedians. As for Ice Cube, I think his humor skills are pretty straight forward, with not much to offer in the way of Ha, Ha. I guess I could recommend this flick as a “Date Movie”, just something playing in the background while you smooch it out with your significant other.
The Bucket List – Staring Jack Nicholson & Morgan Freeman / Directed by Rob Reiner. This film has been out since December 25th but is opening in more theaters this weekend so I thought it was worth a mention.
Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) has worked hard his whole life to build his hospital corporation into a Fortune 500 company. As CEO, Edward is on top of the world when cancer comes knocking on his door. In the hospital, Edward is put into a room with another cancer patient, Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman). The doctors have given both the news that they have six-months to a year to live. Carter just blocks out the bad news and continues watching Jeopardy on TV, because he knows all the answers. When Carter was young, he was able to attend the first year of college, but when his wife got pregnant, Carter found work as an automobile mechanic. Carter remembers that in one of his classes the professor gave them an assignment to fill out a Bucket List of the things you want to do in life before you kick the bucket.
I say yes to The Bucket List, but it’s not so much for the acting power duo, as it is for the helmsman. Rob Reiner is a badass, we’re all familiar with his portfolio in one way or another, whether it’s his comedies like This Is Spinal Tap and When Harry Met Sally, or his more serious material including A Few Good Men and Ghosts of Mississippi, Mr. Reiner is a sure bet. Check it out.
Why don’t we move into Action-
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale – Staring Jason Statham
A man named Farmer sets out to rescue his kidnapped wife and avenge the death of his son — two acts committed by the Krugs, a race of animal-warriors who are controlled by the evil Gallian.
Not much needs to be said about this shitter. I hope no one I know is caught dead buying a ticket to this movie, it consistently amazes me that films like this get made. I can’t really even speculate on what the budget was for this, but I’m sure it would’ve been better spent on building homes in post-Katrina New Orleans. I’d rather watch two Knights beat each other up at Medieval Times, at least I’d get to have some decent food.
Now, something for the kids-
The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie – Staring Cartoon’s
Three lazy misfits - very timid Elliot (Larry the Cucumber), lazy Sedgewick (Mr. Lunt) and no self-confident George (Pa Grape) - dream of the day of putting on a show about pirates. With their own problems of might not having this dream come true, they soon find themselves traveling back in time into the 17th century and begin a quest to rescue a royal family from an evil tyrant, and learn about being pirates.
This is obviously not my cup of tea, but the kids all love this crap, so what the heck. When I was a young, little brat, running around screaming and yelling the only thing that could get me to sit down & shut up was a good, old-fashioned cartoon. Preferably He-Man: Masters of the Universe, when that was on a bus could blow-up in my living room and I wouldn’t budge. Take your kids to see a flick, who knows, they might grow up to be some famous CGI animator or something.
I’ve saved the best for last, again it’s been out since December, but is finally in theaters where you can see it-
The Orphanage – Produced by Guillermo Del Toro and Directed by Juan Antonio Bayona
The Orphanage centers on a Laura (Belén Rueda) who purchases her beloved childhood orphanage with dreams of restoring and reopening the long abandoned facility as a place for disabled children. Once there, Laura discovers that the new environment awakens her sons imagination, but the ongoing fantasy games he plays with an invisible friend quickly turn into something more disturbing. Upon seeing her family increasingly threatened by the strange occurrences in the house, Laura looks to a group of parapsychologists for help in unraveling the mystery that has taken over the place.
Go see this movie. I’m sure it’s going to spook the shit out of you, Del Toro would not have attached himself to this project if he didn’t believe it would deliver. All the reviews are great and they all say the same thing, GO AND SEE IT, but bring a comfort blanket, or take a Zantex before you sit down, because I guarantee your going to experience more jolts and frights then you’ve felt in quite some time. Have Fun. In all I’d give the weekend a 7.5 for overall film quality, we’ve seen better, but we have also sure as hell seen a lot worse, lets just hope the hits keep on rolling. Until next week, Stay Classy Los Angeles.
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