When I started this series, my assumption was that I’d be eating a lot of stuff I’d tolerate at best. I never once imagined I’d have something that was not only good, but worth going back for.
Well color me wrong.
Alcazar is a quietly unassuming place in Encino located in a strip-mall (surprise!). But what awaits for you inside is a veritable treasure-trove of Lebanese delights. Also worth noting is the large patio area in the back, perfect for those unpleasantly warm valley days.
First and foremost, credit must be given where credit is due, and I have to recognize Deep End Dining for turning me onto this place. So, thanks!
The first thing that struck me about the place when I first walked in was how nice the wait staff was. A friendly young man greeted me as I entered, and I immediately felt at ease. I mention this mainly because I was not alone in noticing this. Will arrived after I did and had the same impression. There’s some weird welcoming aura there.
But you don’t really care about that, do you? You’re here to see us eat some weird stuff, and I shall not disappoint!
First up is a traditional Lebanese dish: Kefta. Normally made from lamb, we had it here with beef. I’ve had it homemade before, and I have to say this rivals it in freshness and in taste. It’s so smooth in flavor, mild and refreshing. Really not gross at all. I’ve had steak tartar, and I can tell you the two hardly compare. This kefta, especially on an unseasonably hot day like it was, it was exactly what one would want. Especially with the fresh mint and parsley… It was the perfect way to start a meal, and is highly recommended, even if you wouldn’t normally try something like this.
I was anticipating the next dish to be the “big ticket” item of the meal: Lamb fries.
And by fries, I mean lamb balls. Testicles. Nuts. Cojones. Any way you slice it, it just makes me squirm. Perhaps I over-empathize, but there’s something inherently unsettling to me about eating Rocky Mountain Oysters. The idea of some creature munching on my boys just about brings tears to my eyes, and I had to seriously will myself to take the first bite. I’m not sure what it says about Will that he was so eager to gobble them down.
But what did they taste like? Subtle and complex. A very soft and light consistency, evocative of pate although not as dense. A light flavor of lamb with a hint of something inherent to most offal. Offal, that isn’t awful. See, I’m funny. I make jokes about eating balls. Offal, by the way, being “the entrails and internal organs of a butchered animal.”It’s pronounced “awful,” because it is. Well, usually.
The entire thing was lightly dusted with Sumac, which I first encountered at a great little Persian place, Reyhan. It’s a middle-eastern citrus plant, tart but mild and quite flavorful.
If you fancy delicate and complex things, you’ll *love* this dish. Nowhere near as bad as I had feared, and actually quite good, albeit a bit rich.
Most surprising, though, was the tongue. If you’ve ever been to a real butcher’s shop and seen it sitting in the display, you know how unappetizing it seems.
Let me tell you, we’ve been missing out all these years. I’m about to say the most unexpected thing I’m ever going to say in my life:
Tongue is f-ing delicious!
Imagine the most tender meat you’ve ever had, more tender than veal, more tender than… well… anything I’ve had before. It practically melts in your mouth. The freshness of everything at Alcazar was really quite noticeable. Everything tastes high quality, which is what you hope for when you’re eating this sort of stuff. I also personally appreciated the use of citrus in most of these: there’s something reassuring about lemon when eating bizarre stuff. Like it will somehow kill any bad bacteria or weird diseases hiding in there… Plus it just tastes good.
Most of these were prepared with garlic and lemon, so liking those would be key to eating here. Especially if you get my personal favorite: the frog legs.
Holy geez. I’ve had frog legs plenty of times in my life, and I definitely counted myself as a fan before today. They’re like little chicken buffalo wings, only with real flavor. Like what chicken should taste like.
But sweet merciful crap, these just about blew the top of my head off. They were divine! Very lightly dusted and fried, with a generous amount of butter and lemon, they were like biting into a warm summer day. Probably the most flavorful dish, it’s making my mouth water just writing about it right now. Run, don’t walk, to Alcazar to order these. They will change your outlook on amphibians.
My only complaint is I wish I had more! I mean I suppose if I had knocked Will unconscious I could have enjoyed the entire thing myself, but I was so busy having an orgasm from them I didn’t even think of it (well, maybe for a second). In fact, they were so good, I downright forgot to take pictures of the dish. Seriously. These snapshots are stills from the video. There was no way in hell I was going to put them down to grab my camera.
If you’ve ever even been the slightest bit curious to try them, this is your chance!
Now, that was already plenty weird for me for one day, and I was more than ready to call it quits. But Will saw his opportunity to exact a little revenge for all the torment I’ve been putting him through, week after week. I made the mistake of mentioning my hesitance at ordering the cow brain.
Big. Mistake.
If there’s one thing I outright was uncomfortable eating, it wasn’t bugs. It wasn’t guts. Hell, I’d even try haggis. But cow brain? No thank you.
Gross.
It’s just as gross as you’d expect it to be, with the added benefit of mad cow disease. Sweet! Gross and deadly! Honestly, I don’t have much to say about it. I had two bites, and the memory still turns my stomach. I can’t recommend this one unless you kind of hate yourself.
But overall, Alcazar is by far the cream of the weird food crop. And as an added bonus, they have an extensive menu of non weird food. Yay! Mali enjoyed the vegetarian platter, and what I nibbled was fantastic. Great humus, tasty falafel, fresh tabouli. Plus they have a super reasonable lunch special.
If the weird food was any indication, their standard fare will be top notch. And did I mention the service? Our waiter, Amen, was extremely nice, very accommodating, and quite informative on menu items. Really I can’t recommend this place enough. Even if you don’t live in the area, it’s worth the trip to try this place. I know I’ll be heading back there soon! I guess there are now two reasons not to nuke the Valley…
Still, nothing will ever be as weird as Typhoon…
Alcazar
17239 Ventura Blvd.
Encino
(818) 789-0991
$
4 responses so far ↓
1 Emberly Modine // Feb 27, 2008 at 9:48 pm
mmm. lamb balls. just like mom used to make……….me eat. also i am jealous of your waiters name. amen has got to up there on the coolie scale.
2 Mahatma Kane Jeeves // Feb 27, 2008 at 9:58 pm
My good fellows! Eating Lebanese lamb testicles! Do you think that will give you the added virility you seek? Ha! From New Delhi to New Jersey, those in the know go with curried camel balls. The camel is a much more spectacular and aggressive beast than the meekly mutton. In traditional Sanskrit erotic poetry, this dish was called “Brahmin’s Balls†and served by the yearning Princess to her prospective male suitor, to get his “Kama Sutra Kamel” going.
Namaste!
3 marieelfman // Feb 28, 2008 at 6:33 am
cui-cui! miaou! ouaf ouaf! Grrr-Grrr! hihan-hihan
Bêêê-Bêêê! cocorico and coucocoucoldooo!
I enjoyed reading your adventure at the Alcazar,I am very anxious for the next episode.
Bon appétit!
4 georgina // Feb 28, 2008 at 9:24 am
having lived in Portugal for 2 years i can completely agree with the comments about the cuisine. barnacles as a starter and overcooked grey boiled potatoes and carrots with everything!
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