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As Comic Book Guy is sometimes known to say: “Best. Meal. Ever.” In honor of the soon-to-arrive Iranian New Year, a friend of mine of Persian descent and I decided to make the most ambitious meal I’ve attempted to date (meaning that it has more than one course). And dayyyum… It was good. I don’t have any of “Jessy’s special improvements on the recipe” since she knew what she was doing, so this week I will just give you a step-by-step guide to how we accomplished the greatest feat my new apartment’s dining room table has ever seen. Here goes!

Ingredients:

• a couple limes and 1 lemon
• 1 tbsp saffron
• 1 small Vidalia onion
• 4 chicken breasts
• 1 bag of frozen lima beans
• 1 cup white rice
• 3 pats of butter
• 3 packs fresh dill
• 1 tub Greek yogurt
• 1 fresh large cucumber
• 1 pack fresh mint

Start off with the marinating. You want all those fancy flavors to soak in for as long as possible. Juice the lemons and the lime (juice ‘em hardcore, you want all the citrusy goodness in that bowl), crush up a tablespoon or so of saffron—which incidentally, smells insane!—chop up the onion and plop four chicken breasts in there. I’ve been told it’s good to rinse them first, so do that too. Spend a good 5-10 minutes getting those suckers soaked, mixing them around in the marinade as you stab them viciously many times over with a fork. Think of your bastard ex-boyfriend while doing this, if it will help. Then stick the whole mess in the fridge to absorb the tasty flavors and leave it there until you’re read to grill.

While that whole above shebang is going on, make sure you have a nice BIG pot full of water set on the stove to simmer. As it heats, dump the bag of frozen lima beans in there to soften up. Don’t use the dried ones, they taste boring as hell and it’ll take forever! Plus, if you’re careful, you can fish out some tasty lima beans to snack on as you cook. Oh, is that just me that like lima beans ala carte? Yeah, I’m weird. But they’re good in this dish, I promise you! As it simmers, stick a nice, fat pat of butter in the water to melt.

Once the water is simmering, the beans are soft and the chicken is chillin’ in the fridge, dump your rice (use about a tall drinking glass full of UNCOOKED white rice) and cover the pot.

While it’s softening, heat up another pat of butter until it melts in the microwave, and then add some hot water to that. Also chop up a crazy amount of dill. We used fresh, which was fun and made us feel like real chefs, but totally a pain in the ass. I’d say go pre-packages and pre-chopped all the way. You need a LOT, and even two fresh packages of the herb weren’t quite enough. So go big or go home.

Once the rice is ALMOST soft, but not fully cooked, drain the water out of the rice and lima bean mixture, pour about half of your butter and water mixture in with it and set it aside while you address the pot. Stick yes another pat of delicious, artery-clogging butter on the pot’s bare bottom, spread it around and mix a good handful of the dill in with it. Then toss a small amount of your rice and lima beans (maybe half an inch thick) into the pot, stir it up with your butter and dill, and let it sit for a few minutes to it is crispy and kind of stuck to the bottom of the pot. A little bit of crispy cooked rice piled on top of your dish is just what the doctor ordered, let me tell you.

Once the first layer has crisped up, mix the rest of the dill (don’t forget, it has to be a TON of dill) in with the rest of rice and beans. Put all that back in the pot, and then cover that bitch up for about 40 minutes. If you’re drinking wine like I was, you might want to set a timer. Inebriation tends to mess with your ability to properly measure time. Here’s a fun Persian cooking trick: if you can possibly find one, get something that looks like a little square pillow that is especially made for steaming rice. I’m not sure what it does relative to the lid of the pot, but it’s definitely new and different! 10 minutes into your forty minutes, put the rest of your butter and water mix into the food, stirring it through, and then if you have the pillow thing, sandwich it between the pot and the lid, then let it hang for the rest of the time you so wisely set on your over timer.

GEORGE FOREMAN ALERT!!! You can cook the chicken in a pan, but if you are like me a have a deep respect for the former boxing champ’s cookware, throw that poultry on that grill. It’s quicker and you don’t have to flip the meat. By this time your chicken will be a gorgeous, flaming yellow. Stick it in your Forman for about 10-12 minutes (although you should definitely check it regularly) while the rice is going.

While the other stuff cooks, pull out a nice big tub of Greek-style yogurt, chop up the cucumber, and mix together in a bowl with a hefty handful of chopped mint (again, use the pre-packaged stuff).

Once everything is done, heap that shit onto your plate (I swear to you, you wil eat at least three times the rice you ever would have thought), eat everything with a plop of that incredible yogurt on it, and top of the meal with a nice glass of mint-flavor yogurt soda. Yes, that’s what I said. Yogurt soda.

Special thanks to my bud Kathy, who cooked this whole meal by heart!

Photo by me for Cityzine

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