Thursday nights: A time to go out, enjoy the city, toss back a few cold ones, and watch turtles scurry for the white line. Wait, what?
Every Thursday night, a crowd gathers at Brennan’s Pub in Marina Del Rey between 9 and 10PM to check out the weekly Turtle Races. Patrons can bring their own turtles or rent one for their own entertainment. The gimmick works as grown men and women are found cheering for their respective turtles, hoping to win one of the gag prizes that the bar provides.
On this particular Thursday, yours truly rented a fairly large turtle, thinking the large legs would help in its speed towards the finish line. Participants can name their turtle whatever they please, thus, I named my turtle “Stud Muffin” regardless of whether this animal had girl or boy parts. After renting my turtle, I had to wait until my race came up, but it was fun watching the other races take place.
Several things I learned while watching include the “no pointing rule” and the “don’t bend the knees” rule. In regards to the first rule, apparently, pointing distracts the turtles, somehow ruining the race. If you point, you end up paying ten bucks for the first offense, twenty for the second, and fifty for the third. (Relax, it all goes to charity.) I couldn’t tell you if there is any truth to the “no pointing” rule, but be careful of any hand motions during the race. A fist pump, if directed at the wrong angle and caught by one of the judges, will set you back ten dollars. The second rule applies to placing your turtle in the middle of the ring, in which you cannot bend your knees but must bend at the waist and gently place the creature down. No matter how flexible you are, though, expect the penalty flags to go up, forcing you to redo the Elle Woods “Bend and Snap,” only with less snap. Ladies, you’ve been warned.
When it was time for my race, I made sure to follow rule number two, but it mattered little since I did not have the genitalia they were looking for. Again, ladies, you’ve been warned. So I gently put my turtle down into a plastic ring that could double as a turtle tank if it were not for the absence of a lid. After the other participants placed their turtles down, the turtles climbing all over each other in attempt to mate, escape, or both, it was time to start the race. The employee lifted the plastic ring and the cheering began as the turtles raced for the outer edge of circular mat.
“Stud Muffin” did pretty well at first, bolting out with lightening speed.* But then his (her?) legs got tired and his weight began to slow him down. “Lolita,” the tiny turtle to Stud Muffin’s right began to take the lead and given that she had about half as much weight to carry, Lolita won. Stud Muffin came in second followed by some other less important turtles. Lolita’s renter, a bubbly college-aged blond, went to claim her prize, a set of deep blue Granny Panties. Woot!
After the races were over, the bar patrons began to filter inside the bar and grab a few drinks. Not much was made over anyone losing or winning, but the night was still young, and so we all made the most of it.
*yeah, right!
Subscribe to our RSS Feed And checkout our coffee competition to win a $30 gift voucher to your favourite coffee shop : click here
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...
1 response so far ↓
1 Monica // Mar 27, 2008 at 10:01 am
So you actually rented a turtle?? Karl you are ridiculous. =)
Leave a Comment