Waiting in line is a pointless exercise, a byproduct of crushing humanity. And what rewards lie at the end? A processed meal, the disgruntled face of the DMV, or a ride down Splash Mountain? What else do those empty minutes buy us, aside from burgers, bull$hit, and Disney’s brackish tribute to American racism?
A killer app.
With April 29th, the impending “GTA Day” barreling towards us, what is it about midnight and gaming that makes standing around magically acceptable? I have friends who are like caged wolverines in a doctor’s waiting room after five minutes, but go silent and still as a brass Buddha outside Best Buy on Halo’s Eve. I’d be quick to blame it on Bungie were it not for kids in Japan braving malnutrition or expulsion to breathe the air from a Playstation 2’s heat sink a decade ago.
Gamerkind gets so defensive at the slightest accusation of sloth. We’re expanding critical thinking! Sure. We’re honing our hand-eye coordination! Right. And then here we are for Madden, here we are for Halo, here we are for (Insert Console), gathering en masse at the Times Square Toys R’ Us in front of the news cameras to do nuthin’ really really well for hours at a time.
I braved the line outside EB Games on La Brea for Halo 2. Not to fraternize or share stories of previous online victory (of which there is very little), just to play an undoubtedly great game that much sooner. But this was still a line, just as cranky and pointless as any other, perhaps more so. We weren’t standing around to get one of a fistful of Radiohead tickets or to shake Christopher Walken’s (probably awesome) hand. We were there for a head start on a game that was going to be in every major retailer everywhere in about ten hours. I should have been sleeping. Instead I was listening to a guy trying his damnedest to spin the Most Intense Match of Capture the Flag Ever into an anecdote.
When kids started filing out of Best Buy with copies of the game before 12, the line turned feral. One jackass decided to taunt us with his pristine Special Edition raised high over his head and a death squad of angry, just-off-work Target employees jumped the line to chase him to his car. It seems a bit mercurial, but then the Japanese have been mugging each other on launch nights since ‘89. As apropos as this behavior would be twelve days from now, I’d rather not be around for the US of A steppin’ it up.
I’m as excited for this as much as any other couch felon, but the only hours I’ll spend idle will be with a controller in my hands. I relish the speed and anonymity of buying from the Ubermarts on these rare days, and that’s where I’ll be strolling come April 29th. No one to bother me, and no smug EB drone with airs like he’s passing me insulin. I’ll grab a little coffee and I’ll get a little sun, which is certainly for the best. If this thing is half as good as the previews make it seem, it’ll be the last sun I get for a while.
Photo courtesy of WVS
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