For once, Brooke actually had a reason to cry.
After two results in the last three weeks that had many fans questioning their faith in the American public, that same voting bloc finally gave Brooke the boot.
The evening began as it usually does with the Idols paying homage to their mentor for the week; in this case, the singer of their affection was Neil Diamond. Oddly enough, these group numbers are usually pretty well sung, and the contestants normally sound better than they do in their actual performances. In the case of this medley, the opposite was true, it seemed like some of the singers forgot their words, didn’t know where to stand, and each solo bit seemed awkwardly out of place. Poorly performed and poorly choreographed.
The obligatory trip down Idol memory lane featured a quick plug for former contestants’ Constantine Maroulis and Gina Glocksen’s show on the Fox Reality show. One quick glimpse into their new-found personalities showed that they probably have more talent for TV hosting than they ever did for singing.
As expected, the nightly recap of the previous evenings’ performances featured the largest percentage of the actual songs ever showed on results show. Not too hard when the actual performances were about 28 seconds long. Ryan completed the rundown by saying, “The rumors about Paula are not true.” But which rumor was it? That she was drunk? That she was high? That the judges don’t watch the live performances? That half the show is pre-taped? That Paula had a frontal lobotomy five years ago and is completely illiterate? C’mon Ryan, help us out.
After “Idol” gave a special present to pre-pubescent girls everywhere by sending Jason and David Archuleta to the couch in tandem, they came back from commercial â with about two minutes of commercials! First an extended look at “So You Think You Can Dance?” and then Randy Jackson’s hand-model audition, complete with Coca-Cola logo cup.
Once the bills were paid, “Idol” whipped out a new form of torture: announcing the bottom two at the half-way point of the show! Poor Syesha and Brooke were left to sweat out their fate in the face Kylie Minogue’s less-talented doppelganger and a 70-year-old man with a bad toupee singing a song that sounded like it should be in a Del Taco commercial.
The calls were back, and a ten-year-old from Lancaster, PA (my hometown) asked Paula the question on viewers’ minds for years: Why does she give the contestants a break? She kind of dodged the question, saying that as a performer she didn’t like people judging her. Why did she become a judge then?
The next call was a real shocker: Simon’s first kiss called the program. The woman, Tara Miller her name, was very funny and charming. How about the producers give Paula the boot and sign her up for next year?
After all that, the results were like a breath of fresh air as nanny Brooke finally bit the dust after weeks of awkward half-crying performances. Syesha was spared and order restored to the universe. Brooke’s choked-up and tear-drenched performance should be used as a case study as to why they shouldn’t force contestants to sing after being voted off.
And now, the power rankings:
- David Archuleta (Rank Last Time: 2) â Hard to see Archuleta losing this competition. He’s probably locked up the two most important voting blocs: screaming young girls, and senior citizens who know how to work a touch tone.
- David Cook (1) â Cook’s locked up the voters that Archuleta has failed to capture, but the hipsters who pretend to ironically watch Idol, and college kids playing drinking games just don’t have the size of Archuleta’s contingent.
- Jason Castro (5) â Castro is a total wild card in this competition. He gets tons of screams before, during, and after every performance despite his having no discernible talent. He should have been voted off weeks ago yet still remains. Could he actually win?
- Syesha Mercado (3) â Mercado just isn’t going to win. Simon seems to have a vendetta against her for whatever reason and she’s become a fixture in the bottom three. Mercado is a total undiscovered talent who looks great and has a total pop sensibility. In other words, she’s exactly the type of singer this competition is supposed to reward. Despite all this, she has no chance.
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