Yup, love is in the polluted air this week. But who’s really hooking up and who’s really getting hitched? I got yer answers right here.
- Scarlett + Ryan = Love 4EveR. Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are engaged. Yay! Scarlett wore her new engagement bling out to the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute Gala in New York City and everyone went crazy. Her rep confirmed it and now all is right with the world. I wonder when the pregnancy rumors will start. If I were Scarlett, I’d be scared of Ryan’s ex, Alanis Morrisette. That girl is pretty tough, plus she sings better than Scarlett. She’s probably already called Perez Hilton with a pregnancy ’scoop’. Watch your back, ScarJo.
- I hope Mariah got a Pre-nup. In case you haven’t heard, Mariah Carey (39) and Nick Cannon (27) got hitched in the Bahamas. I think by now even my dog knows all about it. I forgot Nick Cannon existed after Drumline. Good move, Cannon, good move. Now everyone knows your name and maybe someone will actually watch Wild N Out. They met on the set of one of her videos. I’m glad she fell for him and not Kenneth from 30 Rock. He’s mine.
- Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer hook up in Miami. John Mayer has found new fodder for his blog in Aniston. Supposedly, the two have been on at least two dates and are now full-on in love. Let’s get real. Jen’s probably bored on the set of Marley & Me. She heard Mayer was in town, figured he was good in bed because of that whole “Body is a Wonderland” song and invited him over to test her theory. I bet they’ll never be photographed together again. The end.
- In more Rob Lowe news, Sheryl Lowe is being sued for subjecting one of her former nannies to “sexually offensive and hostile conduct” for 7 months. This is a counter-suit of a counter-suit of a counter-suit (to infinity and beyond). Seriously. The nanny, Laura Boyce, alleges that Ms. Lowe walked around naked, asked her about her sex life and made remarks about her boyfriend’s, um, package. I didn’t know you could sue people for that. I am so suing all of my college professors.
- Uma Thurman’s stalker is convicted. Jack Jordan ‘fell in love’ with Uma Thurman while watching Kill Bill and has been harassing her for the last 3 years. It is clear this dude is deranged. What is unclear is which volume of Kill Bill made him fall in love. My money’s on 2. She’s so sweaty in 1, you know? He could serve up to a year and 90 days in jail. I hope he doesn’t get to attend movie night while incarcerated. Watch, it’ll be I Know Who Killed Me night and he’ll fall in love with Lohan. She’ll probably go out with him, though. As long as he provides leggings and Red Bull.
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