This week on America’s Next Top Model, the final 4 battled it out to see who would make it to the finale.
First off, the girls are filmed in a car discussing the competition and their performances so far. The conversation is so compelling, I start chugging my glass of wine just to make it more interesting. Their diatribe is like listening to a group of Kindergartners carpooling home after a day of eating paste and learning their colors. Kill me.
Back at the pad, Dominique goes to bed early with a headache, probably from keeping her eyebrows arched all the time. The girls start dissing her hardcore. Complaints include the obvious (she’s annoying and doesn’t look like a model) and the bizarre (she eats candy in the middle of the night). Okay. How dare she?
For the first challenge, the gals are taken to a park. There they meet Paulina and are each given a camera and told to practice taking shots of one another to see how it is to be on the ‘other side of the lens’. The only interesting moment occurs when Dominique falls on her butt. Must be all the midnight M&Ms.
The editor of Seventeen Magazine tells the girls that they each have 5 minutes to shoot the gorgeous Paulina Porizkova. The contestant with the best photo gets 50 extra frames on her photo shoot this week. Dominique is a joke. She’s crazy, non-specific and bad at her composition. Anya is spazzy and wastes her five minutes having Paulina throw leaves in the air and look longingly at plants. Whitney, in my opinion, does the best job. She’s cool under pressure, understands light and describes what she wants very eloquently. But, Fatima wins the challenge by giving the judges lots of options and using a good, firm voice to command control of her shoot. Way to be bossy, Fatima. Who knew you had it in you? So, Fatima receives 50 extra shots this week. Yay.
Then, there is more Dominique bashing. Anya describes how Dominique drains her and “melts” her. Dominique describes how she will win the competition because she believes in herself. I think she needs to put down her copy of The Secret and pick up a mirror. I do think she’s real-life pretty but she needs to learn how to do her hair and make-up and how to dress herself like a human, if not a model.
The photo shoot is with the ever-hot Nigel Barker. The theme is ‘movie stars from the 50’s hounded by paparazzi’. Gag me. Anya looks amazing but is really boring to watch. Fatima is super bad. She seems awkward, weird and lost and I can’t help thinking how lucky she is that she’s crazy beautiful because she’s just seeming kind of hopeless, despite the extra 50 shots. Whitney is campy and overboard but gorgeous. The leopard skirt they put her in made her look big in a couple of shots but overall she rocked it. Dominique looked like that backup dancer dude from the ‘Vogue’ video. Um, she was bad.
At Panel, the chosen shots are revealed and the results are surprising. I thought they’d all be bad but I actually liked every one of them. Anya’s is amazing, very “Wow”. Whitney’s is pretty, if not spectacular. Fatima’s picture is gorgeous but the judges feel she missed the point of the shoot and came off snooty. Dominique’s photo is striking but the judges hate it. Paulina calls her a “Beautiful Tranny.” She comes across like a crazed lunatic, with her eyebrows working overtime and her butterfly clip making her look like a member of Salt N Pepa back in the day. Tyra tries to make her feel better by saying that sometimes, she herself, Queen of the universe, can look like a transvestite. She says she has to stifle her ‘Tyrone’ so Tyra can come out. While it’s true that Tyra annoys me and makes me want to eat my own head more often than not, I would never compare her to this Dominique girl. Tyra would never look like a man if she’d just remember to tell her makeup people to put down the blush brush. Dominique wakes up in the morning with man-face. Don’t write me hate mail, you know it’s true.
Anya is called first, which is a big ‘ole shocker. Whitney is second. Fatima and Dominique are the bottom 2. Guess who goes home. Yes, it’s Dominique. Congrats Dominique on making it this far. And congrats on saying the word “amazing” more than any one else in the history of reality television. Way to be redundant.
*Tune in next week to see who is crowned America’s Next Top Model. My money’s on Anya but I’m secretly hoping it’s Whitney. This is a country of big people, why not give it to the big girl, y’all?!
**America’s Next Top Model is on Wednesday nights at 8pm on the CW.
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