After a weekend spent beating the heat by exhausting your DVD collection in the air conditioned wonderland of the great indoors, you’re in need of TV more than ever.

You can no longer turn to your movie shelf to get you through the weeknights. A heat wave will do that. Take us to the reaches of our DVD collection in attempt to keep cool yet entertained. Much like a rainy day, a torrid bout of sun-soaked weather is enough to send us to our couches, wanting nothing more than to lay low and avoid the horrors of extreme weather.

When this happens during the TV season, it’s no big deal. We know a fresh batch of shows awaits us after we’ve eaten through all the movies in our entertainment arsenal. No such luck in the summertime, there’s still TV, but it’s just so hard to find anything new, let alone anything new and good. Luckily for you, my heatstroked friend, there’s a guide below to get you through the week.

Monday

• TLC has fully completed its transition from being “The Learning Channel” into a home for offbeat reality TV with this evening’s schedule. At 8, you can catch back-to-back episodes of the reality competition, “Master of Dance.” It’s just like “So You Think You Can Dance” except the songs change mid-dance, and it’s hosted by Joey Lawrence. Whoa! After that, slam down a double-shot of “John and Kate Plus 8,” and thank your lucky stars you didn’t have twins followed by sextuplets. Plus you can see glorious Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, home of yours truly.
• If you prefer something real, that’s a little more hard-hitting, check out the documentary “Hard Times at Douglass High: A No Child Left Behind Report Card,” on HBO at 9:00. Get an inside look at inner-city schools, and how George Bush screwed them up.

Tuesday

• If you watched the NBA playoffs, then you don’t need me to tell you what’s on ABC tonight: The network was kind enough to remind the country during every commercial of every single game. If you’re not a sports fan, then check out two of the wackiest game shows ever created. The first, “Wipeout,” bows at 8 o’clock, and features people running around on bouncy balls in a lake and falling. That bit of sophistication is followed by the aptly title “I Survived a Japanese Game Show.” If you need me to explain what that is about, then I apologize that the sun fried your brain this weekend.
• If you like your unscripted TV with a little more testosterone then flip it over to The Discovery Channel for a new installment of their flagship series “Deadliest Catch” at 9:00. After that, a brand new series “After the Catch” details the lives of the ships’ crews when they aren’t on the boat.

Wednesday

• Proof that reality TV has gone way way too far is available tonight at 9:00. On NBC, the series premiere of “Baby Borrowers” hits the airwaves. In this series, a group of five teenage couples get a tastes of the real world as they move into Boise, Idaho and each receive a baby to test raise. But don’t worry, the infants’ actual parents are nearby to keep an eye on everything. So it’s not exploitative at all!
• A couple of reality mainstays make their returns this evening in the wake of this new competition. At 8:00, get a fresh dose of “Wife Swap” on ABC followed by a new “Supernanny” at 9:00.
• If you’re really looking for some quality entertainment, and not just further proof that Americans will do anything to get on TV, check out “I Love the New Millenium” on VH1. Two new installments air at 8:00 and 9:00, and every night this week. I imagine they will feature an extensive examination of how Americans will do anything to get on TV along with a trip to the beginning of “Survivor”.

Thursday

• If scripted comedy is your thing, then TBS has just what you need on Thursday evening. Start with an all-new episode of “The Bill Engvall Show” at 9:00 and follow it up with “My Boys” at 9:30. It will feel just like the regular TV season all over again with jokes delivered by actors and written by professionals.
• At 10:00, you can check out the new hospital reality series “Hopkins”. It’s like “ER” but it’s real. Kind of like everything on the Discovery Health Channel for the last decade. Actually, you’re better off tuning into “Swingtown” on CBS.

Sunday

• If you’ve yet to check out the hottest game show of the summer, then Sunday is the perfect night to pop your “Million Dollar Password” cherry. That’s because singer Sara Evans and Steven “Bobby Bacala” Schrippa are on hand to help the contestants guess the hidden word. Regis hosts, it’s on at 8:00.
• On cable, there’s two chances to watch people compete for their own shows. First on HGTV at 9:00, interior design is the subject of “Design Star.” Then at 10:00 on Food Network, you can watch a batch of chefs vie for their own cooking show on “The Next Food Network Star.” Both these shows are pretty good, and suit each taste nicely. Enjoy.

Remember to check back every Monday for your guide through the Summer TV Jungle.

Photo by Aaronyx

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