• Shaq still has a big mouth.  Ever since Shaquille O’Neal was traded to The Suns, there has been no love lost between him and Kobe.  In a freestyle rap he performed at a New York nightclub, Shaq attacked Bryant with rhymes like “You know how I be/Last week Kobe couldn’t do without me” and “I’m a horse,Kobe ratted me out/That’s why I’m getting divorced.”   This whole crazy clown Shaq thing was endearing and cute when he was a Laker but now it’s just annoying.  Although, the “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes” line was kind-of funny.

• Nate Dogg got himself arrested. Monday, Nate Dogg was pulled over and arrested on the 405 freeway for allegedly following and threatening his estranged wife. “South Los Angeles CHP officers quickly moved to intercept the two parties, and stopped the victim and Mr. Hale,” the CHP reported. Now I’ll never be able to listen to “Never Leave Me Alone” the same way again.

• Heather Locklear checked herself into a treatment facility in Arizona to receive help for depression and anxiety. “Heather has been dealing with anxiety and depression,” said publicist Cece Yorke. “She requested an in-depth evaluation of her medication and entered into a medical facility for proper diagnosis and treatment.” We’ll probably find out in 6 weeks or so that this was research for a role, but for now, let’s support her. You go girl! I love Heather Locklear. She’s just so pretty. She reminds me of all those Barbies I used to make mug down with Luke Skywalker.

• Ellen DeGeneres has iced her gal pal Portia with a pink diamond ring. Ellen announced that the two have set a date and that plans for the big day are well underway. Yay! The wedding will be broadcast on her talk show. Do you think she’ll wear a tux? The first “cool” wedding I ever went to, the groom and all the groomsmen wore tuxedos and converse hightops. I can totally see Ellen rockin’ that look.

• A group of surfers attacked a paparazzo while he was trying to get a shot of Matthew McConaughey. Like there aren’t enough shirtless beach photos of that dude out there, right? The pics probably only sell for like a buck. The surfer gang (Ha!) allegedly threw the photog’s camera into the ocean. “There was apparently a fight, and the photographer gave a statement that he received injuries,” Los Angeles County sheriff’s spokesman said on Sunday. Good ole’ Matthew wasn’t involved.

• Heidi Montag releases a new song and it’s special. The new single, called “Fashion” will make you think that Paris Hilton wasn’t really that bad. It’s pretty hilarious. You should take a listen. I especially love the beginning where she screams, “Heidi!”. Awesome. But, be warned, I only made it about 30 seconds in. I had to stop it once she began speaking French.

• Timbaland and longtime girlfriend Monique Idlett got hitched in Aruba on Sunday. In attendance were Ginuwine, Missy Elliott, Keri Hilson, and Jordin Sparks. I totally used to think he and Missy Elliott were a thing. Funny. The wedding took place at Aruba’s Renaissance Resort and Casino and ended in fireworks. Congrats to the happy couple.

• Anne Hathaway’s ex, Italian businessman Raffaello Follieri, was arrested for fraud, money laundering and conspiracy to commit wire fraud.   No wonder he’s her ex-boyfriend.  This is all over the news and obviously people care but honestly, it just makes me want to take a nap or go rate celebrity clothing on e! or something.  Bo-ring.

*photo by williac via flickr, y’all.

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