• There might be another Lohan kid. Ashley Kaufmann, age 13, might possibly be the love child of Michael Lohan, conceived during a split from his wife, White Oprah. (He has admitted to having an affair with the mother, Kristi Kaufmann in 1995.) “I’ve seen pictures and, to tell the truth, there are similarities with Linds,” Michael Lohan told the Daily News last week. He has submitted DNA see if he is the babydaddy. What is this, kid #5? Ever hear of a condom, Lohan? Hmmmm, I wonder when Ashley’s CD and reality show drop…. (Happy freakin’ Bday, Linds.)
• Heidi Montag wants to record a Christian album. “I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God,” Heidi said. She also stated that she ‘almost’ devoted her life to missionary work in Africa. She will travel there this summer so she can “”feed children and help build things.” When asked about her role in leaking LC’s sex tape, she said, “God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?” Who I feel bad for in this mess is Jesus. He really needs a PR person. First ‘What Would Jesus Do’ merchandise, then W, and now this? How embarrassing.

• A Friends movie? No one told ya life was gonna be this way. (clap clap clap clap) The Warner Bros film will begin shooting in the next 18 months, according to The Daily Mail. A source said, “Jennifer, Courteney and the rest of the cast are keen to reprise their roles, under the right circumstances. The box office success of Sex And The City has really got their wheels spinning about how a Friends film could be just as big, if done right.” This is risky business. It will either be crap or at best, cheesetastic. But, who am I kidding. I’ll so go see that twice.
• Angelina is still pregnant. Calm down everyone. Angelina’s doctor, Michael Sussmann, just held a press conference in Nice, France to let everyone know that the twins will be born “in the weeks that come.” Thanks, man. He said that Ang is in the hospital for surveillance, not because of any medical emergency. You know Madonna is crossing her fingers and poking a voodoo doll right now to get those babies to come. The second they’re born, everyone will stop talking about her Guy problems.
• Christian Bale is still hot. The new Batman movie, The Dark Knight, opens soon so we’ll be blessed with a barrage of Bale photos for the next few weeks. Yes! Pick up Parade Magazine and check out the perfection on display. Dude.

*photo by williac via flickr.

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