• Britney Spears has been tapped to play a murdering lesbian in a Quentin Tarantino film. Yes! Every girl’s dream role. (Read: I’m not being sarcastic.) Brit Brit has been asked to play stripper Varla in a remake of the 1965 cult film Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Quentin must’ve seen her work on that Doogie Howser kid’s new show, (you know, ole’ what’s it called). A source said, “It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She’s playing the most important character.” This is the best thing that’s ever happened to that girl. And I mean ever. I am not going to judge this. I am just going to trust in the genius casting instinct of Tarantino, sit back and wait for the magic. Because, you know it’ll either suck (awesome!) or be awesome (double-awesome!). Crossing my fingers for awesomeness squared.
• Paris Hilton fires back at John McCain with a video of her own. And, hers is much funnier. I’d be pretty embarrassed if I were a politician and I were being made fun of by Paris Hilton. And, worse, everyone is laughing with her, not at her. I think this is the first time I’ve been on her side of, well, anything. But, in this video, she’s funny, and dare I say, borderline lovable! John McCain is probably not sweatin’ it, though, because it’s on the internet and who knows how to use that thang anyway? If you haven’t watched her video yet, click here and watch it already! It’s short, I promise.

• Hairspray star, Nikki Blonsky and her family took on America’s Next Top Model star Bianca Golden and her family…in an airport! The brawl occurred at Providenciales International Airport in Turks and Caicos on Wednesday. Allegedly, Nikki was saving seats for her fam, Bianca’s folks wanted to sit and chaos, of course, erupted. Sweet! What would Tyra say? Both girls were charged with assault, and Nikki’s pop was also charged with inflicting bodily harm and allegedly getting physical with Bianca’s mom who was reportedly flown to a Miami hospital for treatment for her injuries. All three will return to the island in the fall for a court date. Wow.
• Bob Saget gets roasted; whines about Olson Twins jokes.  John Stamos, who starred with Bob and the twins on Full House, hosted the event.  He didn’t have a problem slamming the twins because, hey, it’s a roast and that’s what you do at a roast!  In fact, he took them on straight out of the box. “The whole time Bob and I were doing ‘Full House,’ he was also hosting ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos,’ ” he said. “His entire job consisted of saying ‘Take a look at this’ which is what he used to say to Mary Kate in her dressing room.” But Saget wasn’t having any of it.  “Anybody who talks about my TV kids - that upsets me the most,” Saget told The Post. “I am very protective. I love them very, very much.”  That’s all well and dandy, Bob Saget, but you need to use some of that America’s Funniest Home Videos money to buy yourself a sense of humor.  Anyone who’s ever seen his stand-up routine can attest that this dude is raunchy as hell.  I’m talking gross, folks, and not that funny.  Maybe if you were less boring Bob, they would’ve talked more about you and less about your TV kids. Yeah!

*photo by williac.

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