“Whatever I’m saying is out of love…unconditional and pure. Just get it right!” ~ Hedda Lettuce

It was Drag Queen week on Project Runway. Yay! Boredom alleviated! Thank you, Chris March. Yup, Chris March, everybody’s favorite from Season 4 was back to inject some much needed fun into the show. He showed up on the runway fully in drag, with disco ball tits and blond braids to give the contestants their challenge: Create a look for a drag queen. Righto. He then brought out the ladies themselves and they lit up the stage much more than the usual parade of black slips over pretty skinny chicks. The designers took turns choosing their queens and it broke down like this:

• Keith ~ Sherry Vine
• Daniel ~ Anidda GreenKard
• Blayne ~ Miss Understood
• Kenley ~ Farrah Moans
• Joe ~ Varla Jean Merman
• Korto ~ Sweetie
• Suede ~ Hedda Lettuce
• Leanne ~ Sharron Needles
• Jarrel ~ LeMay
• Terri ~ Acid Betty
• Stella ~ Louisa Verde

Tim Gunn informs the contestants that each outfit must help the drag queen portray the persona she has created and that they should go over the top. They are given a $200 budget and 30 minutes with their clients. Tim also reveals that all the outfits will be auctioned off for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights Aids! This is quickly shaping up to be my favorite episode ever. It is immediately apparent that Joe is out of his element. He is surrounded by girls and gays and designing drag queen costumes. Joe is the only straight dude, right? And, what a dude-like dude. He seems uncertain and uncomfortable and then decides to treat it like he’s designing a Halloween costume. Good idea. Tim also reveals that the winner gets immunity. Double yay! As the ladies file out, one calls back, “Tim, call me!”

As the designers get to work, it becomes super obvious that Blayne is driving everyone a little crazy-licious. He throws neon pink mesh over his head and proclaims himself to be “Neonlicious.” (His drag name.) He dubs Stella “Leatherlicious”, of course. The other contestants are over the “licious.” Suede, meanwhile, is dressed like a biker pirate with a leather vest and some weird striped do-rag. He had a vision of his late grandfather in a dream, who gave him ideas for his designs for his queen, Hedda Lettuce. The small, cabbage rose-like bundles he places on the sides of the satin gloves are, in my opinion, a nice touch. I think his grandfather was right. But, Hedda Lettuce does not feel the same way. When the clients come in (out of drag) for their fittings, she lashes out at Suede. “Were you being lazy and didn’t want to put sleeves on the outfit? Are you lying to me?” Suede is noticeably peeved and it’s dramalicious.

Tim Gunn and Chris March come through to give our designers a helping hand. Chris is able to spot Varla Jean’s outfit from across the room, which is a good sign for Joe. Tim calls Blayne’s creation a “Pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park,” which Blayne takes as a compliment. The day of the show, Jarrel is not too sure about Keith’s design. He says he “can’t wait to see Keith’s Wookie-onesie come to life on the runway.” Funny. Tim Gunn asks the contestants if they are ready for the “most fabulous show in the history of Project Runway”? I am! I’m ready!

This is extremely hard to judge. How do you rate drag designs? I ended up compiling my Love/Hate Lists based on whether or not I thought the outfit did the drag queen justice. Here’s what I thought: On my Love List were: Kenley and Farrah Moans, Joe and Varla Jean Merman, Suede and Hedda Lettuce, Terri and Acid Betty, Korto and Sweetie and Leanne and Sharron Needles. My Hate List was: Blayne and Miss Understood, Stella and Louisa Verde, Daniel and Annida GreenKard, Jarrel and LeMay and Keith and Sherry Vine (aka the Wookie Onesie). The Guest Judge this week was RuPaul, of course, and she seemed to agree with me so therefore I heart her. The judges gave the lowest scores to: Keith, Jarrel and Daniel. Keith’s Wookie Onsesie was called “messy looking” by Heidi. Michael Kors called it a “sad chicken.” RuPaul ripped Keith a new one, saying “Did a dingo eat your baby too, mate? You’ve got a lot of excuses.” You go, RuPaul. Jarrel’s sparkley dress was “a yawn” according to Ms. Klum. Kors said it was “normal. One of my aunts would’ve worn that dress.” But, finally Daniel got his come-uppance. The judges thought his dress missed the mark and they finally realized that he never progresses and always has an excuse. RuPaul said, “Hello! Drag! Gotta make that cash. They don’t wanna be selling no hormones up in Harlem to make their rent money!” Daniel was sent packing, despite his claims of taste-levels and class.

The judges had a whole lot of love for Korto, Terri and Joe. Korto’s red sequin flame dress was a hit. Kors said the shape was flattering and that “Victoria’s Secret is calling,” to which Sweetie retorted, “If they only made 44D.” Terri’s look was dubbed “a whole new way to look at Kabuki” by Michael Kors and RuPaul called it “Gene Simmons and Diana Ross’ love child.” Sweet. But, Joe, the dude’s dude lost amongst a sea of girls and gays, won the drag queen challenge with his pink sailor suit. Nina called it “fantastic” and Heidi said her “body looks amazing.” I was glad Joe won. I thought Varla Jean looked the cutest up there and as much as I like Terri, it was pretty funny to see how pissed she was that she’d been bested by the likes of Joe.

*Project Runway is on Wednesday nights at 9pm on Bravo.

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