How did I get through a whole summer without Tyra?
At least I had Gossip Girl reruns to satiate my desire for dramatic, narcissistic bitches until the increasingly ridiculous Tyra brought her latest batch of would-be beauties to my TV set last night, for the inaugural episode of America’s Next Top Model’s 11th cycle (yes, I used the word inaugural to tie in to the barely believable political theme of the first photo shoot).
While this cycle’s girls are indeed some of the most gorgeous I’ve seen to date on ANTM, more importantly, they are by far the dumbest. Clark (the chick with a cool boy’s name who looks like Blake Lively/Kristin Cavalleri hybrid – yes I watched Laguna Beach too, does that surprise you?) couldn’t even figure out what bureaucracy meant in the “get out the vote shoot.” And while we’re on the topic of the photos, which showcased each new gal posing with a heavily-accessorized voting booth that was supposed to represent a political issue we must all go vote for or against come Nov. 4, I must ask: Is bureaucracy really an issue I can vote against? Because I’m all for that. And I didn’t realize cloning was a huge platform for those running for office this year. Wasn’t Dolly the sheep cloned over ten years ago? I’m sincerely glad this show came out after I’d left high school, when I could have actually been stupid enough to think they were really tackling some major world issues.
Hello again, food friends, I hope you did not go hungry without me for the last couple of weeks! But in case you did, I decided to make something on the simpler side so you can chow down fast and relieve the searing hunger pains you’ve been suffering since I last posted.
I am CRAZY about Mexican food. Like certifiably lock me in a padded room, Britney Spears shaving her head crazy. If I hear the work “enchilada” whispered in the wind form a radius of about 100 yard, I’m on my feet looking for the person who said it to see if I can go out to lunch with them. Now that I’m paying rent and bills for cable and electricity that my annoying electric oven uses up by the bucketful, I really only have a chance to go out to eat once every couple of weeks. And when I do, it’s straight to the Mexican restaurant I go. Screw variety; give me melty cheese and red sauce!
With Passover on its way, I figured it was about time I got in touch with my cultural roots differently than I usually do. My typical practice often involves a bagel, lox and a nice schmear. This time, my efforts extended beyond wielding a cream-cheese-laden knife and washing that fishy smoked salmon scent off my hands. I went full tilt this time, people, and cooked up a nice batch of Jewish penicillin. That’s right, chicken noodle soup!
Hello foodie friends, I hope you’ve managed to feed yourselves recently without my helpful advice. Not to worry! Even if you’ve been starving to death since you’ve last heard from me, I have the cure so satiate all types of appetites and empty bellies: THE BREAKFAST BURRITO!
Moving into your own apartment for the first time has some serious benefits. I mean, beyond being away from your parents and staying up as late as you want. I seriously recommend it. For instance, if you have grandparents like mine, upon moving out you will soon receive a $100 dollar gift card to Trader Joe’s and a really fancy wok in which to cook the food you buy. Even though my stovetop is roughly the same size as this giant wok I find in my possession, it was definitely still worth giving a shot. Hence, the chicken yakisoba I will soon regale you with tales of. And let me tell you, I think this is my best meal yet. In fact, I’m eating the leftovers for a second time at lunch today. I hear my Tupperware beckoning me from the lunchroom as we speak.
As Comic Book Guy is sometimes known to say: “Best. Meal. Ever.” In honor of the soon-to-arrive Iranian New Year, a friend of mine of Persian descent and I decided to make the most ambitious meal I’ve attempted to date (meaning that it has more than one course). And dayyyum… It was good. I don’t have any of “Jessy’s special improvements on the recipe” since she knew what she was doing, so this week I will just give you a step-by-step guide to how we accomplished the greatest feat my new apartment’s dining room table has ever seen. Here goes!
While my attempts at culinary success have actually (and surprisingly!) been somewhat successful, the stress that goes into creating something you have absolutely no confidence in doing can be a little draining. Imagine that you’ve spoken English your whole life (which, if you’re reading this, is likely) and suddenly you find out a new requirement to graduate from college is to pass an advanced Japanese class. It’s scary and intimidating, of course. And that’s how I feel when I look up a new fancy recipe every week to try out and bestow any gained knowledge on you guys.
