Alas, this is the week that your recipe goddess (i.e., me) has to admit to you that I have failed! To be honest, I’m surprised it took three whole weeks for that to happen. But I blame it partly on the recipe.
This week I tried to make butternut squash casserole, something that sounded warm and wintry and delicious, inspired by this so un-L.A. rain we’ve been having. Instead of finishing off my evening of cooking with a steaming plate of buttery goodness, I found myself staring into the oven at a sloshy, swampy, orange mess. Here is what went wrong and how I would attempt to fix it next time, should I decide to brave this godforsaken recipe again:
Valentine’s Day is now on the 2008 radar (ok, so maybe those of you who aren’t obsessed with See’s truffles haven’t noticed yet, but I can assure you that it is on its way) and in honor of the occasion I decided to whip up a decadent chocolate cake. Since I’m challenging myself with the new and daunting task of cooking, I figured I’d go whole hog and try one of those pesky pastries that the wannabes on “Top Chef” are always bitching about. And what’s more, I will see their chocolate cake attempt and raise them: I made a VEGAN chocolate cake.
My dear editor on this site sent me a text message a few weeks ago. It read, “If Saleisha wins America’s Next Top Model, I will hurt you.” Now, friends, I don’t know why it would be me instead of the indomitable Tyra Banks who would be worthy of this punishment, but I do know this: I need a safe place to hide. Yes, fellow disenchanted ANTM devotees, the unthinkable has happened: a turtle had a love affair with a Beatle and their demon spawn won cycle nine of America’s Next Top Model. And as a fanatic who has watched every minute of every episode religiously since the dawn of this guiltiest of pleasures, including every dawn-till-dusk VH1 marathon of seasons past (much to the chagrin of past and present boyfriends!), I was highly temped to simply change the channel around minute 36 when my pick and the only decent model in the group was kicked off.
Let me just say, the photo shoot that took place for this week, is the penultimate episode of “America’s next Top Model.” The Great Wall of China, need I say more? Perhaps it’s because I’m a sucker for that old world stuff, but the costumes, the hair, the drama, that whole medieval vibe was so intense I even forgave the fact that Miss Tyra was doing her once-a-season pity photo shoot appearance this week. (In fact, though it pains me to admit it, Tyra + camera usually = something fierce. Remember those crazy black and whites she snapped of Caridee?) I especially dug the group shot they knocked out at the end.
Tonight marked a very important milestone in the annals of America’s Next Top Model history. For the first time ever since 2003, in the nine cycles since its debut, a cat-walker-to-be actually expressed irritation with the nature of the competition. In all previous seasons, no matter the dirt Tyra dished out or the stresses endured by those needing to look pretty enough to take one pretty picture once a week, no one has ever spoken out against the venue that gave them their 15 minutes of fame. Or maybe they did? But tonight was the first time that Tyra and co. decided to show it to us.
Last week on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra took her narcissism to new heights by hiring a far-Eastern lion/dragon that blinked almost as much as she does. What did this mythical model beast come to tell our little fashionistas-to-be? Everyone is going to CHIIIINAAAAA!!!!! The exotic travel announcement this season was a little weird, but it sure beat last cycle’s Australia surprise, which involved terrifying two sweet and confused live kangaroos. 
I swear to God, there’s a formula Tyra and company follow to a T when shooting each season of America’s Next Top Model. They whip out their crystal balls during casting in hopes of finding at least one girl who will soon be in dire need of serious medical attention. It does indeed make for some good drama halfway through each season. Remember Danielle’s food poisoning/dehydration breakdown during cycle 7’s jaunt to Thailand, of all places? First cycle winner Adrienne really set the tone for the “rip out your I.V. and show up for judging even though you should be on life support and then win the top prize” motto that the show has adopted over the years.
Are we really halfway through the season? It’s that time again when Tyra and the gang seek to elongate our devotion as long as possible by showing us an hour of things we’ve already seen and still calling it a new episode. Oh wait, they do insert about four-and-a-half minutes of new, UNSEEN footage that somehow lacks the luster of the DVD extras on a movie like “Anchorman.” So since we’ve already discussed the cuts, bitch fights and head-shavings they repackaged this week, I’ll keep this short. Here I present a list of things I didn’t really need to know about our little models in the making:
