Leave it to those crafty Coen Brothers to follow up their Oscar winning No Country for Old Men with a dark comedy worthy of being called an instant Cult classic. Burn After Reading is their new film and it’s bound to leave you with plenty of laughs, gasps and mysterious questions. Like just what exactly was that big purple thing?  I’d tell you myself, but as you know if you read these movie reviews, I try not to give to much away.

Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt are perfectly cast as two bumbling local gym employees who “accidentally” stumble across a disgruntled ex CIA worker’s (John Malkovich) private memoirs. Foolishly thinking they have uncovered some government secrets, these two newbie opportunist set in motion a chain of events that includes, blackmail, conspiracy, murder and mayhem. Let’s not forget about the other players including George Clooney, who gives us a happily married Federal Marshall, but an even happier philanderer. 2008’s Best supporting Actress winner Tilda Swinton also excels here as the coldest pediatrician/wife you may ever meet. Not to worry though, this is a comedy at heart and the laughs are plentiful.

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Following the Pet Shop Boys, contemporaries with Daft Punk, and setting the stage for Gnarls Barkley, The Chemical Brothers have secured a place for themselves in the power of two. “Brotherhood”, their latest compilation release, spans thirteen years of contribution towards the experimental psychadelic electronic scene.

As an admitted first-time listener, I found the material rich and suited in its styling, that if presented in any other format or genre would be easily picked apart for trying too hard. The benefit of electronic/dance music is that if it sounds and feels good, it’s all good - and with the added component of high experimentation, it bears license to blow the listener away at whim.

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The Dodgers are 3.5 games ahead of the Diamondbacks for first place in the NL West.  3.5 games in first place seems like plenty of room to for the Dodgers to get into the postseason, but it’s not.  They have to keep it going and make sure to finish the season, that way they will have some momentum heading into October. There are only 16 games remaining in the regular season and if the Dodgers keep it going they will find themselves in the postseason for the first time since 2005.  Hopefully if they make it to the playoffs this year they will do better than 2005 when they were swept by the Mets in the ALDS.

The Dodgers started out the 10 game road trip in San Diego and promptly lost the first game 0-4.  These however are not the same under achieving Dodgers from the beginning and middle of the season.  They came back and thrashed the Padres 6-2 and 7-2 in the last two games.  Not only has the offense stepped it up, but the pitching is doing incredible.  It is a big surprise that they have been pitching the way they have been pitching down the stretch. That is just what the Dodgers needed, clutch pitching at the right time to take them to the promise land of October baseball.

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I’ve figured out why this season of Project Runway is a snore.  There was not one Pisces contestant on screen this entire time.  Not one!  Wow.  The producers really should’ve thought this through at casting.  How can you have a hit show about something creative like design without casting at least one fish?  Come on!  Head to any art school or theatre department in this country in March and it’s one big birthday party.

Yes, folks, this week’s episode was all about astrology.  Yay!  Straight off, Heidi says there are some “special guests”, who turn out to be this season’s eliminated designers in their full glory.  Terri might not miss Stella but she won’t get a chance because there Stella is again, on the runway with Keith, Emily and all the rest of the contestants that have already bitten the fashion dust this season.  Each of our still-competing designers will be paired with an eliminated contestant.  Together, they will create an avant garde look inspired by the astrological sign of one member of the team.  Great challenge idea.  Would’ve have been even greater if they weren’t all Sagittarius.

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I apologize, readers, for I have done you all a grave disservice. I must have been so traumatized last week by this issue that I blocked it out of my mind. But thanks to some brave work by my therapist, I now have the courage to address not this week’s episode of America’s Next Top Model, but the commercials. Specifically, Cycle 10 winner Whitney’s My Life as a Covergirl spots. I have two words for that: GAG ME. Not that these ads have ever been successful in my opinion, serving only to showcase the increasing stupidity and inability of Tyra’s final picks to read giant words of a big white flashcard. Jaslene, anyone? But Whitney, good lord. During her season’s commercial shoot, the panel berated her repeatedly that she was just too sexed up in her reads to be taken seriously. So I guess she took the other route, going the complete opposite direction until she managed to sound like someone’s grandmother whispering them to sleep. With an oxygen mask on. If this were an audio forum, I would do my impression of her and you would all shoot milk out of your noses with mirth. At least she doesn’t talk about how plus-sized she is anymore.

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When you first hear the name Balkan Beat Box, your thoughts may stray off into the land of open mics for hip-hop artists only. However, this super-group of a band who has steadily become an international phenomenon does not only go out of the box but tears down any structures or barriers your mind may have had in regards to their name.

For those who already knew what Balkan Beat Box is about, they know it just keeps getting better with each performance. However, as I waited around at the El Rey Theatre, I was very anxious for my very first BBB show. All I knew was that they took traditional world music and spiced it up for today’s generation. I also knew it was dance music but I was very curious to see how the crowd at the theatre would respond to it.

It wasn’t a surprise but it was incredibly fulfilling as the curtains opened only to have the crowd go from a cool collected group to a crazed jumping ocean of bodies and hands in the air. BBB managed to own the theatre with the very first beat they put down. The atmosphere was immediately filled with Mediterranean dance hall rhythms, pleasing fans of hip-hop to electronica to rock to big band… It was definitely an overwhelming sensation.

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Wong Kar-Wai applies his customary elliptical, introspective style to the traditional martial arts fantasy world of the jianghu: Ashes of Time is his one stab at the popular wuxia genre of Chinese action film. Taking characters from a famous martial arts novel (The Eagle-Shooting Heroes by Louis Cha) Wong has reimagined the Lord of the East and the Lord of the West (and other characters) as younger men, less sure of themselves, far from their eventual literary destiny.

A series of vignettes each captioned by almanacal season: Ouyang Feng (Leslie Cheung - A Better Tomorrow, Farewell My Concubine, Days Of Being Wild) lives in the desert and is visited once a year by an old friend. He has a lost love, the widow of his brother, for whom she had jilted him; and the friend, Huang Yaoshi (Tony Leung Ka Fai -The Lover, Love Will Tear Us Apart, Election) has carried a torch for her himself all these years. Haughty Murong Yin commissions Ouyang to have Huang killed for jilting his sister, and his twin Murong Yang (both played by Brigitte Lin - Love Massacre, Red Dust, Chungking Express) commissions her possessive brother’s murder. Then there’s a young swordsman going blind (Tony Leung Chiu Wai - Hard Boiled, Cyclo, Lust, Caution, 2046 and most other WKW films) who just wants to see his wife again; and a slobbish swordsman whose wife refuses to stay at home. Everyone is driven to action or, in Ouyang’s case, chronic inaction, by their passions. Love is the ruling force of Wong Kar-Wai’s universe.

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So now that the giddiness of “ZOMG NEW 90210!!!” has passed, what are we left with? Frankly, not a lot.

The A plot revolves around the oh-so-overdone “How do we transplant our wholesome Midwestern family values into shallow Beverly Hills?” Namely, Aunt Becky and Harry the Dad-slash-Principal want to have “Family Night” just like back home. (And we’re supposed to believe that, in Wichita, Wholesome Annie and Black!!! Dixon happily spent their Friday nights with Mom and Dad?)

Aunt Becky surprises them on a school day morning with an Alice Wakefieldian pancake breakfast, but natch, everyone is too busy rushing off to school, which makes Aunt Becky sad. Is their family falling apart? (Yeah, because it isn’t last week’s surprise illegitimate child that’s an issue, cupcake, it’s breakkie.) So she insists that tomorrow they’re all going to go bowling! Dadcipal agrees that they’re bringin’ a Little Kansas to Beverly Hills because it’s all about family! FUN! Yes, and despite the fact that both kids’ve already made plans, to: Annie’s supposed to go out with Not-Zach-Efron-But-Close Ty and Dixon’s going to hang with Navid “Ethnic Okay (tm Mediarama)” Shirazi and Ethan “Overbite” Ward to watch a new, unreleased Bond flick in Navid’s family’s screening room (Wait, I thought Navid’s dad was a porn director?). So maybe the kids’re gonna watch “James Dong: Quantum of Penis” or something?

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Keaton Simons new album asks “Can you hear me?”  The answer is a resounding yes, and we want to hear more!  From the moment I popped this album into my CD player, I was amazed by the talent Simons displays.  I wondered where on earth he could have been hiding, but I suppose that an unimportant question now that I’ve been graced by his musical magic. Woo!

En route towards a Paolo Nutini/Gavin Degraw-esque sound, Simons differs in ways that prove to be extremely successful for this album.  Think a dash of pizzazz, a sprinkle of edge, and a pinch of fresh that make his sound something worth hearing.  He succeeds in coercing you to want to listen to what he’s saying; mainly because unlike some artists, he sounds like he has lived.  Through his music you, in turn, are experiencing his experiences, and isn’t that what music is all about?

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When the first track of Verona Grove’s, “The Story Thought Over” blasted out of my car speakers, I was quickly reminded of another review I recently wrote.  Quickly, however, I realized that while the vocals were very Starting-Line, Homegrown, etc. etc. there was something far more interesting going on.  The music was good, really good.

As the CD continued I realized just how off base my initial reaction was, “The Story Thought Over” is what a power pop album should be: at times loud, at times melodramatically slow and at all times insanely enjoyable.

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Why is popular culture so inundated with crazed housewives? Whether it be the ludicrous shenanigans of the fictional Wisteria lane women, the over the top blondes of Orange County, the blaze society climbers of New York or the soon to be outlandishly outrageous multicultural Atlanta group, American Society seems to be obsessed with upper class women and the men who love them, from a distance (i.e. off camera,) except of course for Simon…oh Simon.

With the phenomena of suburban domesticity reaching a definite peak, Kelly Ann Ford answers, through a satire on the popular fictional and twisted-reality housewife satires (making it a meta-satire?), with the world debut of “It’s the Housewives!:” a rock-n-roll musical staring, Terri Homberg-Olsen (Jerry’s Girls), Jamey Hood (The Shagg’s) Corrine Dekker (The Posession of Mrs. Jones) and Jayme Lake (Hillary Agonistes) as Aged Becca, Becca, Lynn and Lexie, respectively.

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“Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a f***ing big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of f***ing fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the f**k you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing f***ing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, f***ed up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life… But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?”

With a quote from a leading man like that, need I say more?

Well, just in case you’re not as easily impressed as my pretentious ass assumes, here are a few more reasons to check out Danny Boyle’s gritty cult-classic Trainspotting:

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