Greetings, kids! Tonight’s recap is a special one… not because of 90210 in particular, but because I have to go in for a spot of surgery tomorrow and am watching and writing my recap baked out of my gourd on Xanax. Consider this an artistic experiment, like Brinda Warsh with her “Laverne” thingie at the Peach Pit, yeah?
Onward!
Why are they still showing “previously’s” from the first episode? Like we need Human Sleeping Pill Harry “Dadcipal” Wilson gushing about palm trees again?
And wheee, right outa the gate with a whole bunch of Drunk Grandma Quips! The drama coach has been called away “indefinitely” and Dadcipal has got to find another one. Annie freaks over breakfast; they can’t cancel the class musical! And Drunk Grandma, who’s acting (and dressed) like something out of The Birdcage, announces “Fine. I’ll do it!” Everyone hems and haws, but (Drunk Grandma Quip #1): “Sweetheart, when the theater is in pain, I come to mend the wound!” Then she yammers about director’s advice (DGQ #2): “If you’re not breathing from your ass and reaching to the skies, the back row won’t hear you!” Aunt Becky sporfles coffee. And then (DGQ #3): “I slept with him!”
I’ve figured out why this season of Project Runway is a snore. There was not one Pisces contestant on screen this entire time. Not one! Wow. The producers really should’ve thought this through at casting. How can you have a hit show about something creative like design without casting at least one fish? Come on! Head to any art school or theatre department in this country in March and it’s one big birthday party.
Yes, folks, this week’s episode was all about astrology. Yay! Straight off, Heidi says there are some “special guests”, who turn out to be this season’s eliminated designers in their full glory. Terri might not miss Stella but she won’t get a chance because there Stella is again, on the runway with Keith, Emily and all the rest of the contestants that have already bitten the fashion dust this season. Each of our still-competing designers will be paired with an eliminated contestant. Together, they will create an avant garde look inspired by the astrological sign of one member of the team. Great challenge idea. Would’ve have been even greater if they weren’t all Sagittarius.
I apologize, readers, for I have done you all a grave disservice. I must have been so traumatized last week by this issue that I blocked it out of my mind. But thanks to some brave work by my therapist, I now have the courage to address not this week’s episode of America’s Next Top Model, but the commercials. Specifically, Cycle 10 winner Whitney’s My Life as a Covergirl spots. I have two words for that: GAG ME. Not that these ads have ever been successful in my opinion, serving only to showcase the increasing stupidity and inability of Tyra’s final picks to read giant words of a big white flashcard. Jaslene, anyone? But Whitney, good lord. During her season’s commercial shoot, the panel berated her repeatedly that she was just too sexed up in her reads to be taken seriously. So I guess she took the other route, going the complete opposite direction until she managed to sound like someone’s grandmother whispering them to sleep. With an oxygen mask on. If this were an audio forum, I would do my impression of her and you would all shoot milk out of your noses with mirth. At least she doesn’t talk about how plus-sized she is anymore.
So now that the giddiness of “ZOMG NEW 90210!!!” has passed, what are we left with? Frankly, not a lot.
The A plot revolves around the oh-so-overdone “How do we transplant our wholesome Midwestern family values into shallow Beverly Hills?” Namely, Aunt Becky and Harry the Dad-slash-Principal want to have “Family Night” just like back home. (And we’re supposed to believe that, in Wichita, Wholesome Annie and Black!!! Dixon happily spent their Friday nights with Mom and Dad?)
Aunt Becky surprises them on a school day morning with an Alice Wakefieldian pancake breakfast, but natch, everyone is too busy rushing off to school, which makes Aunt Becky sad. Is their family falling apart? (Yeah, because it isn’t last week’s surprise illegitimate child that’s an issue, cupcake, it’s breakkie.) So she insists that tomorrow they’re all going to go bowling! Dadcipal agrees that they’re bringin’ a Little Kansas to Beverly Hills because it’s all about family! FUN! Yes, and despite the fact that both kids’ve already made plans, to: Annie’s supposed to go out with Not-Zach-Efron-But-Close Ty and Dixon’s going to hang with Navid “Ethnic Okay (tm Mediarama)” Shirazi and Ethan “Overbite” Ward to watch a new, unreleased Bond flick in Navid’s family’s screening room (Wait, I thought Navid’s dad was a porn director?). So maybe the kids’re gonna watch “James Dong: Quantum of Penis” or something?
If you happen to be in Santa Monica today, The Pushing Daisies promotional team will be giving away free individual mini pies on 3rd Street Promenade until 3 p.m. today!
You can sample some pie ( I got apple!), explore the Pie-Hole-On-Wheels (which is fitted with Plasma Tvs that show clips from the show) and even get a Pushing Daisies magnet.
If you’re a fan of the show (or not) I suggest you at least get down there for some delicious pie to make your Wednesday just a wee bit better.
Pushing Daisies premieres October 1st at 8 p.m. on ABC.
I know many of you have been jonesing for come Office. Will Jim propose to Pam? Will Angela marry Andy even though she’s sleeping with Dwight? Will Michael for some deranged reason raise Jan’s semen baby?
Who knows! But if you’re looking for a little reminder of where you left off before the show begins again on September 25th, here is a quick recap to get you salivating…
The VMA’s, hosted by Russel Brand, dominated TV last night, broadcasted live from Paramount Studios here in Hollywood. Britney even did a little skit with Jonah Hill and she didn’t even mess up! So, the answer to your question is yes, Britney! They still want a piece of you! Brit Brit opened the show looking as hot as ever in a little silver dress and won 3 awards for “Piece of Me”, her latest, Aw-shucks-I’m-famous-don’t-mess-with-me anthem.
Is it just me or do they announce all the cool groups that won awards early (Death Cab for Cutie, Erykah Badu) and then save the lame ones for the big show? Oops, did I just type that out loud? There were live performances by Christina Aguilera, Kid Rock, Lil’ Wayne, Rhianna and Kanye West, along with a few others. Anyhoo, here’s your winners for this year. Yes, I’m serious. No, that win for The Pussycat Dolls is not a typo.
The night that I discovered “Stringers: LA” on Tru Tv, it became my guilty pleasure. Actually, I shouldn’t say ‘guilty’ because I don’t feel ashamed to be watching it at all. If you’ve never heard of this television series, Stringers: LA follows freelance video journalists who prowl the streets of Los Angeles to find news as it happens. This routinely includes shootings, car crashes, hostage situations, explosions and fires. Their cars come equipped with police, fire and EMS scanners that help them to find and get amazing footage that is then fed to news organizations. Chances are that the car crash you’re watching on KTLA’s 11 o clock news was filmed by a stringer.
Stringers: LA is like COPS without the mental cases. Not only is it an intriguing and fascinating show for the action and adventure it provides on the mean and lean streets of this city, it makes you appreciate the efforts of these journalists who risk their lives on a daily basis to bring you the news. Seeing the work that goes behind stringing, gives people a rare glimpse into the behind the cameras work that goes into bringing footage to your local news station. Make no mistake about it, this is real reality tv.
If you weren’t too busy out getting smashed or just decided to stay in last night, hopefully you got to catch some great history going down in television and music. Last night, September 5th, all three TV networks ABC, NBC and CBS were more than grateful to give up their regular programming for the hour-long, commercial free fundraising show.
It’s nice to finally know that many of the big shots in entertainment are taking their assets and using them towards a good cause. Cancer has affected millions of people worldwide, and celebrities and the industry have not forgotten how everyone, including them, hurt from this too.
Appearances throughout the night ranged from Jennifer Aniston and Halle Berry to both our presidential candidates. The music was provided by a super star group of the most well known female singers from teen pop sensation, Miley Cyrus to R&B queen, Mary J. Blige. All the ladies performed their charity single, “Just Stand Up” to encourage friends, family, and viewers watching to take a stand and donate. The single is available on iTunes.
If you’re into awards shows, I’ve got one for you to watch this weekend. The 2008 MTV Video Music Awards will air this Sunday, September 7 at 9 p.m. Britney Spears, who has hopefully put her tumultuous year behind her, will be opening the show, but not performing (sorry Britaddicts). After her disastrous performance last year, I don’t blame her. Actor and comedian Russell Brand and his plethora of hair will host this year’s show, which will feature performances by Christina Aguilera, Rihanna and girl-kisser Katy Perry, who will be singing Madonna’s “Like a Virgin.” How appropriate. After swearing he would never return to another VMA show, Kanye West will be closing the night out with a performance as well
The VMAs will be broadcast from the Paramount Studios lot in Hollywood and will also feature performances by Pink, Paramore, Lil Wayne and Kid Rock. Presenters will include Jamie Foxx, Chace Crawford, Slash, Taylor Swift, Shia LaBeouf, Paris Hilton (really?) and all your favorites from The Hills, including Lauren and Speidi (Spencer and Heidi). God of the Sea Michael Phelps, Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, Scarlet Johansson, Ciara, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens will also present awards
If you plan on watching, you might want to take a second and vote for someone in the Best New Artist category, the only category in which you get to pick the winner. The nominees include:
“We’re Not in Kansas Anymore”: Premiere Episode of 90210 (AKA Degrossip Girl Junior High School Musical).
So, yeah. It’s been over eight years since they left us. They’ve grown up and changed in the interim. So have we. So has Beverly Hills. So has America, television, fashion, the media, the genres of YA entertainment and youth culture, the very notions of “teen” and “family.” It’s been a long time since Kelly was a Spring Princess and Brenda didn’t give a damn, since Dylan took Brandon to the Green Room, since Donna and her first mother Nancy modeled at the mother-daughter fashion show.
We can tell lot has changed, because really, there’s no way we woulda gotten a blowjob scene within the show’s first five minutes from the OLD gang.
But the more things change in our favorite zip code, the more they stay the same, because, lucky for you, am I back to Rant about it! (However, now, I actually have a word limit.) But we can’t skimp on the beginning, can we?!
Labor Day has come and gone and the fall premieres are set to begin, making this the last week for the Summer TV Picks. Enjoy.
Reality Rundown
The meanest Brit on television is back. No, it’s not Simon Cowell, it’s Gordon Ramsay of “Hell’s Kitchen”. Fox brings him back tonight for a two-hour premiere of the second season of “Kitchen Nightmares”. On this show, Ramsay rehabs a restaurant in a state of disrepair each episode. He also swears. A lot.
“House Hunters” is one of the most enjoyable watches in all of reality TV. Tonight it’s all new at 10:00 on HGTV where a prospective buyer looks for a casa closer to her mother. Better than that is the repeat to follow where a SCUBA fanatic looks for a house on the Honduran island of Roatan. Prepare to drool over real estate.
Greetings, kids! Tonight’s recap is a special one… not because of 90210 in particular, but because I have to go in for a spot of surgery tomorrow and am watching and writing my recap baked out of my gourd on Xanax. Consider this an artistic experiment, like Brinda Warsh with her “Laverne” thingie at the Peach Pit, yeah?
