This has nothing to do with Whack-A-Mole.  I just really wanted to type that.  Things are slow this week, folks.  But, here’s what’s a happening:

• Beyonce is over being a pop star.  Uh-huh.  I’m over oxygen.  And coffee.  Yeah, right!  Beyonce told Marie Claire UK, “There is a time limit on being a pop star, yes. Being a legend, an icon? Absolutely not. I’m over being a pop star. I don’t wanna be a hot girl. I wanna be iconic. And I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot. I feel like I’m highly respected, which is more important than any award or any amount of records. And I feel like there comes a point when being a pop star is not enough.”  Nah, girl.  You did not just say that to a reporter!  That’s the stuff you say to Jay in the limo after you’ve had too many white wine spritzers.  People can’t afford the gas it takes to get to their jobs at Burger King.  Saying that being a pop star is “not enough” loud enough for people to hear you is just obnoxious.
• It’s official.  She’s doing it again.  Yeah, Brit Brit’s opening the VMA’s.  “MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs?” Britney said in an official statement released to the media. “I’m excited to open the entire show, to say hi to my fans and to be nominated.”

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

• Jessica Simpson has a secret nickname for Tony Romo.  If you just ate, skip to the next story. Unless you want to puke.  (Hey, you never know.)  Jessica calls Tony “FBD - Future Baby Daddy” when she’s talking about him to friends.  “She knows he’s not ready to get that serious, so she’s playing it cool,” says a friend. “Tony doesn’t know, of course.”  He probably will now.  Surely someone will hear about it and clue him in.  Maybe homeboy will start focusing on what he needs to focus on right now, which is winning a Super Bowl for me.  Oh, and for all the other Dallas Cowboys fans out there.  Them too.
• Josh Hartnett gets caught on tape having sex in a library.  No, the girl wasn’t a librarian.  Yeah, that’s what I was hoping for too but unfortunately she was just some normal hot chic.  According to The Daily Mirror, the library at the Soho hotel he was staying at was loaded with CCTV cameras that caught all of Josh’s moves as he and the girl threw down amongst the stacks.  “Josh didn’t seem bothered that the library wasn’t locked and anyone could just burst in. He just kind of went for it.  After the event, someone had a quiet word in Josh’s ear and he was asked to take his personal business elsewhere in future,” a witness reported.  Doh!

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

This is just too good to be true. Pam Anderson and Michael Jackson are reportedly dating. Maybe Pam spent Labor Day weekend watching 80 hours of 80’s videos on VH1, like I did. That’s enough to cloud any person’s judgement and to make you nostalgic for the Michael Jackson of yesteryear. You know, the one with light-up footsteps and cool dance moves. The one who could soothe gangsters with a mere pelvic thrust, eliminating the need for a violent brawl and making the gang members from Central Casting just want to dance! Yeah, that guy. He’s crush-worthy, right?

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

• Van Halen is pissed that McCain used their song without asking. Yup, the Senator used “Right Now” for his big entrance in Ohio but the band wants everyone to know that they don’t approve. Van Halen told TMZ, “Permission was not sought or granted nor would it have been given.” Political Burn!
• David Duchovney, star of Showtime’s Californication, checked himself into rehab for sex addiction. “I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction,” he said in a statement. “I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.” Because of his character on Californication, there’s been speculation that he’s pulling an Eva Mendes (researching his role) but I don’t know. I hope he gets the help he needs, if he needs it.

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

It’s been a banner week for good ole’ Michael Lohan. A banner week! Can anyone shut this dude up? Earlier in the week, Lindsay’s Pa let everyone know how he felt about her gal pal Samantha Ronson. Completely unprovoked by Ronson, Mr. Lohan said, “People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some L.A. DJ.” (Dlisted) Nice, huh? Then, after the unfortunate news broke that his father passed away, Michael Ronson did what any Celebri-Dumbass worth their title would do. He contacted the media to complain about yet another member of his family. Here’s what he had to say to OK! Magazine: “My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina’s attorney. Let’s see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral.” There’s more. He goes on to say, “THIS will show her true colors! Thus, not even a call. But that’s par for the course with Dina! She didn’t even send a card or visit when he was sick.”

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

• Shannen Doherty denies ever fist-fighting with Jennie Garth. In the new issue of Us Weekly, Heather Duke tells the mag, “”We never did. I think I would remember Jennie’s fist connecting with a part of my body or a part of my face.” “It just goes to show you how people will lie,” she goes on to say of Tori Spelling’s account of the alleged fight (in Tori’s autobiography). Burn! So, Tori made it up? Ooooh, maybe now Tori and Shannen will get in a fight over whether or not Shannen and Jennie got in a fight! Awesome.
• Tim Gunn does not approve of Katie Holme’s baggy jeans. When asked by People magazine about Katie’s newfound affection for rolled up over-sized denim, Tim said, “She ascended from this tomboyish waif look to an incredible sexy sophisticate. We realize how much style she’s capable of. I don’t get it.” I love it when Tim Gunn says “I don’t get it.” When he says that, you have to change whatever it is immediately. Like if he says, “I don’t get it,” about your life in general, you better find a cliff to jump off of. Seriously. He knows his shit.

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

• Avril Lavigne is “too sexy” to play Malaysia. Avril’s upcoming concert on August 29th might just be canceled if the Islamic Party has their way. They think Avril’s act is too sexy. This isn’t the first time something like this has occurred. Gwen Stefani and the Pussycat Dolls were also asked to cover up and to tone down their, um, sexiness to play Malaysia. Here’s what a party official had to say about Avril’s show: “It is considered too sexy for us…it’s not good for viewers in Malaysia. We don’t want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models.” He then cleared his throat and said, no SK8er Boiz here, bi-atch. Just kidding. He didn’t say that, but he was thinking it.

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

• Donald Trump buys Ed McMahon’s soul, I mean, house. The Los Angeles Times reports that the Donald will buy McMahon’s casa so that he can avoid foreclosure and continue living there. But why? To hear the Donald tell it, out of the kindness of his heart, of course. “I don’t know the man, but I grew up watching him on TV,” Trump said Thursday. Helping him would “be an honor.” Wow. Trump as a landlord, eh? That would be even more intimidating than that one landlord I had that looked like Ron Jeremy. He was mean and he had a mullet and drove an IROC that said “I Rock” on the liscence plate. Good luck, Ed. Trump makes IROC dude seem like Strawberry Shortcake.
• Actress Busy Philipps and her screenwriter-husband Marc Silverstein announce the birth of their daughter, Birdie. Yup, Birdie Leigh Silverstein was born Wednesday, weighing 9 lbs., 7 oz. (You might remember Busy from the show, Freaks and Geeks. She is also godmother to Matilda, the daughter of Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger.) The name has already been compared with Pilot and Apple. I don’t know about you but I quite like it. It reminds me of Sandra Bullock’s character in Hope Floats, Birdie Calvert. Oh, great. Now I’ve admitted I’ve not only seen that movie but remembered the main character’s name.

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

• NY Magazine asked Diddy what sport he would win gold in; his answer will surprise you. Just kidding. He said, “Who could have sex the longest. I think that’s an event I can do well in. And probably who could stay up the longest. Just so you know, that’s supposed to be funny. Even though I am serious.” Oh, Diddy, you never disappoint. This is better than when he described in detail exactly how he grooms his privates. That boy is just so self-conscious.  And shy.
• Britney sits down with OK Magazine for a real live interview, y’all! It’s been a year since Britney ran away from an interview by the same magazine but this year she lasted the whole interview, with her dad, Jaime, by her side. She talks about her career, her kids and her little sister. “I was shocked a little bit,” says Brit. “She’s always been the baby, and now the baby was having a baby. It was mind-boggling.” Well, I guess that explains everything. She was mind-boggled. That issue of OK hits newsstands tomorrow. You should get it and read it while you’re on the elliptical machine at your gym. That’s the only socially acceptable place to read OK Magazine. Plus, you burn calories.

[ Read The Full Story -> ]

• NY Magazine asked Diddy what sport he would win gold in; his answer will surprise you. Just kidding. He said, “Who could have sex the longest. I think that’s an event I can do well in. And probably who could stay up the longest. Just so you know, that’s supposed to be funny. Even though I am serious.” Oh, Diddy, you never disappoint. This is better than when he described in detail exactly how he grooms his privates. That boy is just so self-conscious.  And shy.
• Britney sits down with OK Magazine for a real live interview, y’all! It’s been a year since Britney ran away from an interview by the same magazine but this year she lasted the whole interview, with her dad, Jaime, by her side. She talks about her career, her kids and her little sister. “I was shocked a little bit,” says Brit. “She’s always been the baby, and now the baby was having a baby. It was mind-boggling.” Well, I guess that explains everything. She was mind-boggled. That issue of OK hits newsstands tomorrow. You should get it and read it while you’re on the elliptical machine at your gym. That’s the only socially acceptable place to read OK Magazine. Plus, you burn calories.

[ Read The Full Story -> ]