“I am so in awe of my garment.” ~ Blayne

Project Runway started off this week with Suede’s revelation that there are only four measly guys left.  Color me shocked.  They’ll all go home eventually but for now, they’re keeping some around for entertainment’s sake.  Otherwise, we’d all fall asleep this season.  Let’s face it, there’s no Christian or Chris March or hell, even Sweet Pea to keep us watching so we’ll settle for third-person mumblings from Suede and Blayne’s flippant claims about wanting to marry Mary-Kate Olsen. (Don’t they look alike? Blayne’s the third Olsen!) It’s not awesomely crazy like last season but, hey, we’ll take it.

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Every night until summer ends you need look no further for your daily guide through the summer TV jungle.

This is a rough time for nightly entertainment with the tube awash in repeats and lame reality shows, but there’s still good stuff available to get you through the work week.

Let the picks begin. . .

Reality Rundown

• At 9:00 on ABC is the moment we’ve all been waiting for: the grand finale of “I Survived a Japanese Game Show”. The final four contestants compete to determine a winner by running an obstacle course filled with the hardest challenges from previous episodes. So if you haven’t watched the show yet, you can enjoy the entire series in one two-hour installment. Banzai!

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So far, Season 5 of Bravo’s Project Runway is making me tingle in a good way. It’s giving me that TV buzz I haven’t had since Clay and Rueben battled it out on American Idol, since Eva the Diva was on America’s Next Top Model, or since they almost didn’t let Donna Martin graduate on 90210. I’m getting excited folks!

Episode 2 begins with the designers choosing their models. How to pick between a bunch of hot tall chicks in matching black slips? I don’t know but they do it and someone named Belle goes home. Ciao Bella! The designers then find out that the models they picked are also their clients. The challenge? To design a cocktail dress for their models using “green fabrics” (which are natural textiles that don’t hurt the environment). The big twist? The models get to do the shopping for the fabric, much to the horror of the contestants. So, models are running around Mood shopping, the designers are hating and I’m laughing because, let’s face it, drama is funny.

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American Dad, you say? As in, that show on Sunday nights after Family Guy? Yes! How can 4 million stoned college guys be wrong? After all, these are the same discerning viewers that tuned in regularly to both The Simpsons and Family Guy, making both shows pop culture phenomenons before anyone could say, “Doh!”. The fact that these same beer-guzzling, pizza-eating couch crusaders are now turning their attention to American Dad is making network executives and internet animation geeks alike realize what has been in front of their faces for 3 seasons. Um, dudes, American Dad is good. So good, in fact, that as of late, it has been trouncing The Simpsons and King of the Hill in the ratings and coming uncomfortably close to it’s mother ship, Family Guy.

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American Dad, you say? As in, that show on Sunday nights after Family Guy? Yes! How can 4 million stoned college guys be wrong? After all, these are the same discerning viewers that tuned in regularly to both The Simpsons and Family Guy, making both shows pop culture phenomenons before anyone could say, “Doh!”. The fact that these same beer-guzzling, pizza-eating couch crusaders are now turning their attention to American Dad is making network executives and internet animation geeks alike realize what has been in front of their faces for 3 seasons. Um, dudes, American Dad is good. So good, in fact, that as of late, it has been trouncing The Simpsons and King of the Hill in the ratings and coming uncomfortably close to it’s mother ship, Family Guy.

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Hooray, it’s sew time!  Finally.  I was getting restless.  Season 5 premiers Wednesday, July 16th on Bravo at 9 pm, local time.  The Bravo website promises another season of awesomeness with the same cast of characters we’ve all grown to love and hate:

Returning to the runway, host and supermodel Heidi Klum heads a panel of industry luminaries, including judges, top women’s and menswear designer Michael Kors, and fashion expert Nina Garcia, as they decide who is “in” and who is “out.” Tim Gunn, Chief Creative Officer at Liz Claiborne, Inc., will once again act as a mentor to the designers as they take on weekly fashion challenges. The 16 Project Runway contestants will be whittled down week-by-week to the finalists who will show their own line in front of an audience of fashion industry movers and shakers at New York Fashion Week.

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A little slow this week as we call know how Hollywood takes 3 day weekends and stretches them into 8 day weekend. But here it goes:

• In a flurry of last-minute negotiations, NBC Universal made a deal with Landmark to purchase The Weather Channel for just over $3 billion. I wonder if this means we’ll get to see Jack Donaghey analyze the storm tracker. At least once, right? Please?
• Despite lukewarm reviews, Will Smith and Hancock had a huge opening weekend over the holiday bringing in $66 million ove 3 days. I wish I could have got $66 million for being drunk over July 4th…
• The Hollywood Reporter tells me that Senator nabs ‘Public Enemy’ rights. Believe it or not, this headline has nothing to do with Congress, Miranda rights, Chuck D or the next Flavor of Love.
• Sascha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell are in talks to play Sherlock Holmes and Watson, respectively in a new film from producer Judd Apatow.

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If you happened to be watching TV from 1976-78, it was hard to miss the most original and crazy talent show ever to hit the tube. Yes, I’m speaking of The Gong Show.

Famous for showcasing zany acts of all kinds including jugglers, comics, singers impersonators, and everything in between; The Gong Show was without a doubt, responsible for launching all the current Talent shows seen today. The hilarious, if not downright strange creator and host of the show Chuck Barris, was also responsible for such landmark TV shows as The Dating Game and The Newlywed game. The premise of the show was simple. A panel of three celebrity judges sat in front of a large gong, if you kept them and the audience entertained long enough you made it through and got scored, if not, you got the Gong! The winner of each show was awarded a cash prize of $516.32.

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After a weekend spent beating the heat by exhausting your DVD collection in the air conditioned wonderland of the great indoors, you’re in need of TV more than ever.

You can no longer turn to your movie shelf to get you through the weeknights. A heat wave will do that. Take us to the reaches of our DVD collection in attempt to keep cool yet entertained. Much like a rainy day, a torrid bout of sun-soaked weather is enough to send us to our couches, wanting nothing more than to lay low and avoid the horrors of extreme weather.

When this happens during the TV season, it’s no big deal. We know a fresh batch of shows awaits us after we’ve eaten through all the movies in our entertainment arsenal. No such luck in the summertime, there’s still TV, but it’s just so hard to find anything new, let alone anything new and good. Luckily for you, my heatstroked friend, there’s a guide below to get you through the week.

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It’s time to stop. It’s time to stop the TV on DVR spoiler madness.

This scenario occurred at my office this week. A co-worker and myself were reminiscing about this past season of “Lost” when another person joined into the conversation. As the discussion turned to the season finale, her fingers shot into her ears like she was standing next to space shuttle. At the same instant she shouted, “Don’t tell me, I have it on my TiVo!” and scuttled off like a scared dog.

It was insanity. The “Lost” season final aired on May 29th. That was three weeks ago! Go watch it already. It’s not that hard. It takes 90 minutes.

But no, instead she preferred to run across the office with her hands in her like a four-year-old who thinks his mom’s punishment isn’t real if he can’t hear her. It’s ridiculous, but something we’ve all encountered in the DVR era.

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It’s time to stop. It’s time to stop the TV on DVR spoiler madness.

This scenario occurred at my office this week. A co-worker and myself were reminiscing about this past season of “Lost” when another person joined into the conversation. As the discussion turned to the season finale, her fingers shot into her ears like she was standing next to space shuttle. At the same instant she shouted, “Don’t tell me, I have it on my TiVo!” and scuttled off like a scared dog.

It was insanity. The “Lost” season final aired on May 29th. That was three weeks ago! Go watch it already. It’s not that hard. It takes 90 minutes.

But no, instead she preferred to run across the office with her hands in her like a four-year-old who thinks his mom’s punishment isn’t real if he can’t hear her. It’s ridiculous, but something we’ve all encountered in the DVR era.

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You may have survived the first week of summer TV season unscathed, but there’s still a long way to go, and with the Lakers collapse of last Thursday you may have lost all hope.

Don’t despair mon frere, it may seem tough to find the jewels in this sea of summer re-runs, but luckily, you’ve found a guide to lead you to the summer TV gems. So if you’ve managed to shock yourself back into reality after the Lakers’ stupefying loss of the previous week, be sure to check out some of the best bets listed below.

Tuesday

With a win on Sunday, Tuesday remains Lakers night. See if they can survive game 6 in Boston and take the series to the greatest thing in sports: Game 7.

If you’re not into sports, AFI offers its annual summertime list treat for movie fans. This year, they’re offering up “Ten Top Tens” with the ten best Westerns, Sci-Fi movies and eight other categories. The special runs from 8-11 on CBS.

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