So far, Season 5 of Bravo’s Project Runway is making me tingle in a good way. It’s giving me that TV buzz I haven’t had since Clay and Rueben battled it out on American Idol, since Eva the Diva was on America’s Next Top Model, or since they almost didn’t let Donna Martin graduate on 90210. I’m getting excited folks!

Episode 2 begins with the designers choosing their models. How to pick between a bunch of hot tall chicks in matching black slips? I don’t know but they do it and someone named Belle goes home. Ciao Bella! The designers then find out that the models they picked are also their clients. The challenge? To design a cocktail dress for their models using “green fabrics” (which are natural textiles that don’t hurt the environment). The big twist? The models get to do the shopping for the fabric, much to the horror of the contestants. So, models are running around Mood shopping, the designers are hating and I’m laughing because, let’s face it, drama is funny.

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You’re settled into bed, thinking about turning off the light and drifting off to sleep and suddenly it grabs you like Rosie O’Donnell seizes an Italian sub with all the fixings.

There’s no release from its clutches. Once it gets its hooks into you there’s no turning back. It’s harder to turn off than Charlie Sheen at the Playboy Mansion. I’m talking about the best thing on TV. Maybe the best thing on the entire planet. Rock compilation infomercials.

Nobody wants to watch them. They’re not on any TV schedule, nobody has one sitting in a TiVo and nobody actively seeks them out. They find you. Track you down in a moment of half-sleep and rob you of precious shut-eye.

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You’re settled into bed, thinking about turning off the light and drifting off to sleep and suddenly it grabs you like Rosie O’Donnell seizes an Italian sub with all the fixings.

There’s no release from its clutches. Once it gets its hooks into you there’s no turning back. It’s harder to turn off than Charlie Sheen at the Playboy Mansion. I’m talking about the best thing on TV. Maybe the best thing on the entire planet. Rock compilation infomercials.

Nobody wants to watch them. They’re not on any TV schedule, nobody has one sitting in a TiVo and nobody actively seeks them out. They find you. Track you down in a moment of half-sleep and rob you of precious shut-eye.

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The fifth season of Project Runway premiered on Bravo last night and it didn’t disappoint. Bringing back a fan-favorite from Season 1, the Project Runway folks gave the designers the old grocery store challenge. In other words, the Gristedes Mega Store Challenge. Each designer could select items from the grocery store from which to create a look. On hand to inspire (and guest judge) was Season 1 Princess of Awesomeness, Austin Scarlett, who won the Gristedes challenge the first time with a dress made of corn husks.

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The fifth season of Project Runway premiered on Bravo last night and it didn’t disappoint. Bringing back a fan-favorite from Season 1, the Project Runway folks gave the designers the old grocery store challenge. In other words, the Gristedes Mega Store Challenge. Each designer could select items from the grocery store from which to create a look. On hand to inspire (and guest judge) was Season 1 Princess of Awesomeness, Austin Scarlett, who won the Gristedes challenge the first time with a dress made of corn husks.

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Hooray, it’s sew time!  Finally.  I was getting restless.  Season 5 premiers Wednesday, July 16th on Bravo at 9 pm, local time.  The Bravo website promises another season of awesomeness with the same cast of characters we’ve all grown to love and hate:

Returning to the runway, host and supermodel Heidi Klum heads a panel of industry luminaries, including judges, top women’s and menswear designer Michael Kors, and fashion expert Nina Garcia, as they decide who is “in” and who is “out.” Tim Gunn, Chief Creative Officer at Liz Claiborne, Inc., will once again act as a mentor to the designers as they take on weekly fashion challenges. The 16 Project Runway contestants will be whittled down week-by-week to the finalists who will show their own line in front of an audience of fashion industry movers and shakers at New York Fashion Week.

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It’s back to the grind after a long 4th of July weekend.  Hopefully you did something truly American like watch fireworks, eat Apple pie or drink beer that tastes like water (Coors Light anyone?).  Because I’m in a patriotic mood and because we have a Presidential election coming up, I ask you…..

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*photo by ableman 

My favorite part of America’s Funniest Home Videos is always the dog stuff. I’ve also, on more than one occasion, found myself crashed out on the couch watching some type of dog competition. I’ll admit that this is embarrassing and slightly disturbing but I’ve just decided to roll with it. The natural progression of my dog-TV habit seems to be the new show on CBS, The Greatest American Dog. I just might be Tivo-ing this thing. Maybe you should too.

Here’s how the website describes this bundle of awesomeness:

Twelve extraordinary teams of dogs and owners from across the nation from “pageant dogs” to those simply trained at home, will live together and compete against each other in challenges that put the owners’ ability to train their dogs to the test. Each week, the judges will eliminate one dog and their owner. The last remaining team will walk away with a $250,000 cash prize and the title of GREATEST AMERICAN DOG.

Distinguished canine critics Wendy Diamond, Allan Reznik and Victoria Stilwell are the three judges with Jarod Miller hosting.

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My favorite part of America’s Funniest Home Videos is always the dog stuff. I’ve also, on more than one occasion, found myself crashed out on the couch watching some type of dog competition. I’ll admit that this is embarrassing and slightly disturbing but I’ve just decided to roll with it. The natural progression of my dog-TV habit seems to be the new show on CBS, The Greatest American Dog. I just might be Tivo-ing this thing. Maybe you should too.

Here’s how the website describes this bundle of awesomeness:

Twelve extraordinary teams of dogs and owners from across the nation from “pageant dogs” to those simply trained at home, will live together and compete against each other in challenges that put the owners’ ability to train their dogs to the test. Each week, the judges will eliminate one dog and their owner. The last remaining team will walk away with a $250,000 cash prize and the title of GREATEST AMERICAN DOG.

Distinguished canine critics Wendy Diamond, Allan Reznik and Victoria Stilwell are the three judges with Jarod Miller hosting.

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Reality round is slowing down little-buckaroo’s, but this week in RR I’ll do a little bit of info on Big Brother 10, and me. Then I will ride off into the sunset for a few weeks, only to reemerge with the last slate of summer reality shows, when the reality returns like the Swans at Capistrano…so will TeeSmith.

I was a BIG BROTHER 10 Semi-Finalist…no shit! Yep, I can talk about it now because in the FINALS they chose 30 other A-holes to put in the fish bowl, maybe I was lucky, but you that know would relish in me Tee’ing off of some people with a national TV audience. I went to an open call of 1,000’s and against over 50,000 applicant’s I advance to a small pool of about 60, was brought into a secret bunker far beneath Universal city, and signed NDA’s and was painstakingly interview. I rocked that shit; I even lead by saying….

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Yeeeee-Hawwwwwww kiddos!

The reality round up is here again, and even through the reality shows of summer are slowing down a few strong one’s remain, like HELL’S KITCHEN (love it), AMERICA’S GOT TALENT, and I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAMESHOW. There are also a few yet to come, the late bloomers will premiere in the next couple of weeks like GREATEST AMERICAN DOG, BIG BROTHER X (10), JINGLES, and CELEBRITY FAMILY FEUD. Now, I have to admit I love HELL’S KITCHEN and I think the star, chef GORDON RAMSEY, is a lovable dickhead from England even if he curses and throws stuff and the contestants. In FOX’S hit cooking-reality show, chef Gordon Ramsey is a drill sergeant type of chef screaming at the contestants’, a.k.a: Oafs, losers, A-holes, as he struggles to make a quality product…and good television. He also tried to please “swank” diners with a meal that doesn’t suck, or taste like ash. This year’s contestants were obnoxious moms for Jersey, and more than one fat-disgusting person that I wouldn’t want in the same room as my food, but under Ramsey’s supervision I would try the meal. The show is nearing its end and the competition is heating up, but still worth checking out, if you like food, restaurants, incompetent fat people or mean British A-holes.

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If you happened to be watching TV from 1976-78, it was hard to miss the most original and crazy talent show ever to hit the tube. Yes, I’m speaking of The Gong Show.

Famous for showcasing zany acts of all kinds including jugglers, comics, singers impersonators, and everything in between; The Gong Show was without a doubt, responsible for launching all the current Talent shows seen today. The hilarious, if not downright strange creator and host of the show Chuck Barris, was also responsible for such landmark TV shows as The Dating Game and The Newlywed game. The premise of the show was simple. A panel of three celebrity judges sat in front of a large gong, if you kept them and the audience entertained long enough you made it through and got scored, if not, you got the Gong! The winner of each show was awarded a cash prize of $516.32.

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